Pride and Shame

I'm not immune to social stigma; in fact, I'm pretty sensitive to it. So it's definitely a little embarrassing to think that of all things - particularly in light of my intellect and upbringing - I might be remembered (in the final analysis) for how much I like[d] to take pictures of myself naked. But listen, it was a fun and harmless hobby that I initially kept to myself (and, well, internet strangers seeking out that sort of thing, whom I would never meet or have a conversation with in real life), but that turned out to have a rich artistry that I've come to appreciate deeply.

Yes, it's a fine line - tiptoeing between the thrill of transgressing a taboo (while shining light on the natural beauty of something that carries undue stigma within polite society - it's because the taboo feels unjust that I delight in transgressing it; I'm not trying to tear down the fabric of society here) and crossing over into the territory of scandalous indecency. Actually, it can be an exciting dance to perform; and I won't lie, my studies of the aesthetics of the human body have taken me in various directions, in the absence of certain preconceived notions about its "proper" depiction in the realm of fine art, denuded (if you will) of any overt sexual connotation.

But I understand context and audience, and I maintain that there is a level on which nude art may be appreciated, not completely sterilized of its sometimes erotic undertones, but by a somewhat more reserved and sophisticated eye - the way that Michelangelo's David or the Venus de Milo can stand proudly (and publicly) in a museum, to the adoration of any who pass by.

That's not to say that I'm placing myself alongside the greats of art history. I don't even create beauty; I just steal it from nature. In the grand scheme, I don't consider myself to be a terribly accomplished artist. However, I believe I do very well within my limited means. I have no classical training, and mental illness constitutes a significant obstacle to my ability to grow and collaborate within a larger community. That said, I've been working on honing my craft consistently for the past fifteen years, and there has been considerable improvement.

I may not be the best right now that I will ever be, but I also have to consider that age is beginning to place its own limitations on my abilities to work both in the physically demanding capacity of a self-portrait model (which involves a lot of muscle tension and a surprising amount of running around), as well as that of a photo processing editor, which involves a mind-numbing volume of repetitive actions performed while sitting stiffly in front of a monitor - hour after hour, day after day, week after week, and so on, however long it takes until the work is done.

I don't know if I'll ever be better than I am now, but I know that I am better than I was in the past, and even if the best I'll ever be isn't good enough to warrant any kind of critical attention, or even justify the pride I feel at what I've accomplished (knowing every step of the journey I've taken to reach this point), it's all I've got. It's all I have to show for myself. Whether it's enough or not - whether I'm enough or not - it represents all that I am. It's the most sincere and original product to come from my passionate and creative mind thus far in my life. For better or worse, you can take it or leave it. I've done what I can. How you regard it - how you regard me, and the deficit between your expectations and my reality - is up to you.

But please be kind, because I can't rewind.

Afterword: I wrote this as a creative exercise while brainstorming ways to introduce my family to my nude photography. Not that it's any big secret that this is part of who I am and what I've done with my life. It's just that, when you start taking naked pictures of yourself, it's something that you instinctively compartmentalize from other aspects of your life.

Like, it was originally something I did for my girlfriend when I was a teenager, which makes this all a little bit awkward. But my interest in the art form (which emerged very early on) has evolved far beyond the purposes of my private sex life. I see myself as a legitimate artist, and not just a "purveyor of smut". And the people who are important to me - I'd love to fold them more into that, so they can share with me in the pride of my successes (such as they are), the way people in just about any other line of work (and especially the creative arts) can do.

That is, assuming I'm not deluding myself about whether there is any merit to the art I produce beyond its superficial value as masturbation fodder. If I were to create a great work of nude art - that is not simply erotic (although it may be that), but is technically accomplished and aesthetically satisfying - does it deserve a position on the refrigerator? Or does it only belong inside somebody's locker? I guess you could say that's my goal as an artist - to take pin-ups out of the locker, and put them on the refrigerator. But I have to ask myself, what is my motivation? Am I trying to legitimize an unfairly stigmatized genre? Am I trying to defang a python, and domesticate it so it can be kept as a pet? Or is this all just an expression of my exhibitionism - the desire to display... well, desire out in the open?

But it's not as though I'm unconcerned with matters of taste and aesthetics. And I don't say that just to make excuses. I think people should cringe at the thought of low effort porn being exposed to the light of day (in the privacy of your bedroom, however, you should feel free to go wild). While at the same time, I feel that a masterpiece of artistic eroticism should be plastered on billboards without an ounce of shame. And, I mean, it kind of already is, if you look at the glamour and advertising industries. But there's still this completely arbitrary taboo on nudity. Unclothed bodies can be just as tastefully artistic as a pop star in skin-tight gold lamé (and moreso, if you ask the nudists); it's not about how much is shown, but how it's shown.

Anyway, I'm undecided as to whether I should try to aim for relatability and address the elephant in the room ("I know it sounds weird, but here's what I think is great about taking off my clothes and trying to make art"), or if it would be better to take a more dignified approach and not give voice to those doubts, and just let the people who think it's weird feel like they're the ones who are weird for thinking that in the first place ("if you'd ever studied art history, you'd know this is normal"). I could see the merit in either approach.

Watermarks

(The following is something that came to mind while I was methodically watermarking my images one day).

My watermarks aren't really designed to prevent theft. Because even though I could make it more frustrating for thieves to steal my work, there's a tradeoff point at which it starts to detract from the art. And let's be honest, if a thief is determined enough, he'll find a way. I don't condone it, but I'm not gonna wring my hands and let it ruin my enjoyment of sharing the art I create. Plus, I don't just produce images, I consume them too, so I know what it's like to be on the other side of the screen, and I know how the photo sharing community operates. I don't position myself in opposition to a community I identify with, and I'm not out to condemn perfectly reasonable fair use applications of my work, because I don't want to be a hypocrite.

The reason I use watermarks is partly to claim my copyright in an official capacity, but mostly as a tool to aid the relationship between art and audience - so that people who see my work will know who made it, and will be able to seek out more like it. Yes, it helps me by establishing my brand and serving as a low-key form of advertising, but it's also for the benefit of fans. I don't want to be obnoxious or pretentious, so I try to maintain the right balance, but I do also respect the value of copyright, and the importance of an artist to confidently claim ownership of their work. That's why I continue to watermark my images, even though it increases my workload, and can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

When I'm deciding how to put watermarks on my images, I approach the process primarily from a perspective of good faith, and not with the intention to deter bad actors. Some might call me idealistic and naive, but I prefer to think of it in terms of positivity and kindness. Because if you're not respecting my copyright (and really, I'm quite lenient, as long as you follow common sense - my main concern is other people taking credit for my work, as well as any money that should rightfully be going into my pocket), then you're not respecting me. And if you like the art I produce, then why would you disrespect the person who produced it? We are all vulnerable to exploitation in this world. My goal is to spread happiness and joy, while counting on being someone that I would hope people would not WANT to exploit. And it may simply be because I'm just not that popular, but so far, it has worked for me.

Naked As The Day

Chapter 1

I was born naked. I wasn't raised that way, but I eventually found my way back - in fits and spurts. I remember running through the sprinkler at 8 years old, being startled by the neighbor girl peeking through the fence. Around 14, I borrowed my parents' camcorder for a school science project, and satisfied my curiosities about the human body (before destroying the evidence). In college, I didn't see any reason to carry anything more than a towel through the halls of my dorm on the way to the shower. As an adult, I'd take summer strolls through my suburban neighborhood in the middle of the night, always on alert for passing cars, getting spooked by the occasional motion sensing porch light. I kept these excursions a secret due to social convention and the fear of being accused of indecent exposure (soon to be an antiquated concept), but I was never bothered by the fundamental idea of being seen without being dressed.

Which is why I was intrigued when I first heard about the U.S. government voting on a provision to guarantee its citizens the unassailable right to spend their birthdays in what is colloquially referred to as their "birthday suit". In other words, naked as a jaybird. I'm not gonna lie, it's a pretty radical experiment. But we're living in exciting times, after all. Having spent years on the brink of global catastrophe, the ever-growing rift between political factions has finally imploded - mostly on account of elder conservatives dying off and being replaced by younger, more progressive activists. As it goes. For once, I feel excited about the future. We're even finally taking measures to combat climate change - and one of them is a dramatic overhaul of the textile industries.

Fast fashion has given way to fashion fasting - that is, abstaining from clothing. It is by no means widespread - yet. But search the hashtag on TikTok and you'll see an endless stream of people embracing the "No Laundry" challenge, lounging at home in their underwear - or less. Slowly, but surely, our culture is becoming less scandalized and more accustomed to skin exposure, as the planet heats up and the clothes come off. Social media algorithms are in the process of being reprogrammed NOT to flag the human body for censure. The Guardian recently reported on Mark Zuckerberg's procurement of the web domain for Skinbook, pivoting focus from his floundering metaverse (rejected by a generation grown up in lockdown, and bored with social isolation), likely in anticipation of the wave of nudes that will begin to be shared once society realizes it's no longer taboo.

But we're not there just yet. A trendy minority might be having clothing optional house parties with friends (and friends of friends), but I don't see random people walking around naked in public. With the passing of this new law, however - guaranteeing citizens the right to dress down (all the way down, to their skin) on their birthdays - that's exactly what I'm expecting. It'll probably be a few years before the practice really takes off (if it ever does), but I'm excited to be on the vanguard of this revolutionary social change. I can't pass up this opportunity - I was born for it! How many people will take advantage of their newfound freedom the first year? Not many, I imagine. That's why it's up to people like me to show them the way. There's just one problem: my birthday's in January.

(To be continued...?)

Obsessed With Nudity

"Am I obsessed with you?
I do my best not to want you.
But I do all the time - want you all the time."

These lyrics are from Obsessed - one of my favorite deep cuts by Miley Cyrus (who also sang, more recently, "I'm completely naked but I'm making it fashion"), from the same EP that gave us Party in the USA.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed with nudity. If I think about it rationally, I probably wouldn't even be that thrilled about a world where public nudity is mainstream, just on account of the fact that most people aren't that great to look at. And if the typical nudist mindset is any indication, it may well be the case (at least on a statistical level) that people who are more attractive will cover up to avoid attention, while the ones who do undress will be the type who don't give a damn about appearances. I hate to give voice to a common nudist myth ("it's never the ones you want to see naked..."), but we are talking about my fears and anxieties here. And on that subject, not everyone is as meticulous about hygiene as I am...

But when I think about it emotionally, there is 1) that apparition of beauty that haunts me, causing me to envision a nudist utopia where everybody is beautiful, coupled with 2) the simple knowledge of the sensation of how great it feels to be naked and exposed, indoors and out. The former is basically voyeurism, and the latter borders uncomfortably on exhibitionism. Which begs the question, why are "pure" nudists even that invested in nudism, if the more you "like" nudity, the more of a pervert you must be? And would I be so invested in it, if I weren't such a beautiful creature to begin with, that I get to look at in the mirror on a daily basis?

Please don't make me cover this up!

Certainly, there's nothing wrong with having a fantasy in my head of a world filled with naked supermodels, but am I crazy to try to apply my desire for that to the real world? Am I opening a door expecting models to flood out, when really there are just "average" people waiting on the other side? Would I really like going out in public naked, hanging out with friends and family, only to discover (and I'm just speculating here) that my enjoyment of nudity has a fundamental sexual component? How awkward that would be! (In my defense, I have demonstrated not only an interest in nonsexual social nudism, but the ability to engage in it without incident).

In the meantime, the concept still thrills me, and if nothing else, it's something that gives me joy to explore - partly in my head, but also partly out in a section of the real world, mostly isolated from others. And isn't that just how tribes gather and practice their interests? Do I need nudism to be mainstream, or is it that what I really need is just more nudist friends? It's lonely being the only person you know in any meaningful radius that has any kind of dedication to a lifestyle that your identity is suffused with. I can't just sign up for the local nudist league, because there isn't one!

I tried creating my own, but the only person that showed up was me.

And what if nudists aren't the right people, after all? What of the potential erotic component? I'm not looking for hookups or sexual partners or to engage in any orgies. But if there's a little bit of a naughty edge to the proceedings, I don't want to be ostracized for it. But I also probably don't want to share that with just anyone - it has to be someone I like and trust and am comfortable being around, yet probably also someone who isn't looking to have a sexual relationship with me, and won't feel that they're being "led on" - why does it have to be so complicated?!

Honestly, I had a lot of hope for the community of artists I was interacting with online a couple of summers ago. These were people who not only understood the artistic drive, but were experienced working with nudity, accepting of the erotic arts, yet still (as far as I can gauge) respecting of personal boundaries. (Also, they weren't people who were already drooling over my body). These are the kind of people I want to hang out with. To collaborate with. But they're scattered, and preoccupied with modern trends I don't follow, and I don't have the people skills OR possibly even the artistic pedigree (that's a matter of opinion, but I don't think I'm the most unbiased person to ask) to demand their time or attention (let alone being valuable enough to have them demanding mine), and not simply be a desperate hanger-on.

But I am desperate. And at this point, I'm just hanging on.

Not to end on a depressing note, but I'm going to end on a depressing note. It seems to me that the only way I can get anyone interested in me as a person, or in the workings of my beautiful mind, is if I can first get them addicted to my body. Is my obsession with naked beauty a distraction from what else I have to offer? Am I doing myself a disservice by focusing on it to the exclusion of other things? But I do genuinely value it, and I don't want to have to jettison that aspect of my passions. And frankly, I'm afraid to dump the one part of me that has the tiniest bit of traction, for fear of being trapped in an empty auditorium, my words echoing off the walls, as I stand there listening to myself talk.

It's not that I don't have confidence in what I have to offer - my position may not be very relatable, but I think I have a very insightful perspective to share with the world. But if I put myself out there time and time again, only to be greeted by none other than my dear old friend, the crickets - at a certain point I have to start wondering if the problem is me. Am I just not that interesting? Or am I operating on a level beyond what most people are capable of perceiving? And if so, why do I even exist? What's my purpose? Because it's definitely not to lead a conventional lifestyle - being a mindless breeder worker bee. I have human desires, but I lack normal human abilities. My life is a cosmic joke.

Birthday Suit Prompt

So, I watched the Purge movies this past Halloween, and I think the idea of a holiday where crime is legal is a fascinating thought experiment. But the movies are unfortunately preoccupied with violence, when there is so much more you could do with the idea, especially on the subject of "consensual crime".

Now, I've had this thought for a while, but every year around my birthday I think about how I want to spend it in my birthday suit, and how it feels unjust that I can't go to my own birthday party without covering up (and if I'm just spending the day naked at home alone, then how is that any different from a regular day?). And this year it led me to hammer out what I think would be an intriguing writing prompt.

Maybe this would never work in a million years in the real world, but I think it would make for some pretty interesting stories, that could explore various facets - both positive and negative - of a world not terribly unlike our own, being exposed to public nudity (without being completely inundated with it, which would take us even further from reality). Here it is:

Writing Prompt: The government passes new legislation defending every citizen's freedom to go nude in public on the annual date of their birthday (as confirmed by official ID). All other laws remain in effect (including restrictions on public displays of sexuality), except those which would render it a crime to simply be undressed (e.g., indecency, harassment, etc. require offending behavior above and beyond mere exposure of the genitals). Businesses cannot restrict access or otherwise engage in discrimination based solely upon a person's state of dress. Jobs that require special equipment or uniforms for reasons of health or safety must provide alternate provisions, such as paid time off.

For this prompt, I would expect writers to explore what would happen in the wake of the passing of this new law. What pitfalls, expected or unexpected, might result? Who would take advantage of this new freedom? Would you? And what would that look like? Would some people end up getting themselves into trouble? What kind of longterm effects would this experiment have on society? Would public nudity eventually be completely normalized, or would citizens rally together and overturn this new law? Optionally, you might choose to consider what conditions led to the passing of the birthday suit law. Was it a groundswell of public opinion? A libertarian experiment? Or a nudist candidate imposing a "tyranny of the minority"?

I wish I myself had more experience writing stories. I love to pose hypothetical thought experiments like this one, but I always get boggled down in details - so many people would approach the situation so differently, it's impossible to predict what kind of effect it would have at any kind of scale. And how do you reconcile a premise that contradicts reality (e.g., a society that will defend by law a person's right to be naked in public on their birthday, but still considers it a heinous crime to do the same thing any other time). I dunno, I might try writing one anyway. Just for fun.

Sex Will Prevail

Civilized society tries to hide this fact - and it does a pretty remarkable job considering the sheer force it's up against - but human beings and living organisms in general are pervasively sexual, by design. It's our prime directive. And it's stupidly simple, but covering up our bodies actually does provide some measure of distraction from the thing our bodies are meant to do above all else. Nudists therefore have - and will ALWAYS have - a problem normalizing nudity, without it being taken over by simple-minded flesh bags who just want to fuck. (Especially online, where it's harder to control the flow of media and police people's behaviors and intentions). And it's going to be counterintuitively worse, the more restrictive of sexual expression our society is. (And, in spite of our immutable instincts, society is pretty damned restrictive right now). This is natural law, and predictable human behavior.

We can go a lot of different directions from this point, but we're not going to get anywhere without acknowledging that this is where we start. Furthermore, any social movement that seeks to metaphorically (one hopes that is all) castrate mankind's sexuality is going to run up against considerable obstacle - as it should. I'm not sure there is any reward that is worth sacrificing sex on a community-wide level. If nothing else, the very evolutionary process of natural selection will ensure its extinction within a single generation. Feel free to disregard this advice at your own peril.

Like, I can't get over the cosmic joke that is the shame and stigma we place around what is simply nature's way of making us feel good so we'll be incentivized to propagate the species, which is the one thing ensuring our continued existence beyond the temporary survival of any single organism's lifespan. Yeah, it's really important; so I understand the meaning and significance and ritual we attach to it, but why so much judgment and loathing (of both the self and others)? And what's with the absolute contradiction whereby religion deifies procreation ("be fruitful and multiply" crossed with the utter abolition of contraceptive methods and practices) while simultaneously demonizing the recreation that accompanies it? It's fundamentally Puritanical. Why is suffering divine and pleasure evil? Why must we hate what we undeniably are?

Holy Nudism

or Nudism, Religion, and Politics

While certainly (and demonstrably) NOT a requirement for participation in the lifestyle, I do believe that nudism is excellently poised to dovetail with spirituality. While to some, nudism may be little more than an elaborate dedication to "party naked", for a vast many lifestylers, their approach and attitude toward a confident revelation (as opposed to ashamed obfuscation) of the human body borders on religious devotion.

I may be biased, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I'm a person who thinks that nothing brings you closer to God (whatever that means to you) in this life than enjoying the great outdoors without a stitch of clothing on. We all have to believe in something larger than ourselves. And, as an atheist, I'll make the caveat that those beliefs don't have to contradict a scientific understanding of reality. The universe is vast, and we are but a small part of it - reveling in the dizzying sense of its enormity, and our connection to the infinite, need not require ascribing sentience or meaning beyond what we have the power to ascertain through our gifted yet limited intellect.

With all this in mind, I want to say: the fact that there are Christian naturists, and that the religion isn't de facto incompatible with nudism (it wasn't God, but the serpent's influence that led Adam and Eve to cover up - yet somehow we have forgotten this), doesn't absolve the culture of Christianity for the responsibility it bears in demonizing the human body and its public exposure. No Biblical fact or personal anecdote ("But I'm a good Christian!") can balance the sheer weight of pressure that is driven, without exception in the social and political landscape, by complaints lodged and campaigns levied by zealous and fear-mongering religious conservatives.

As a parallel example, just because I still believe in the promise of America, and the values this country was (ostensibly) founded on, doesn't mean I can just erase all the bad things that America currently (and historically) stands for. To me, true patriotism in this day and age embodies the responsibility to call out the culture of toxic patriotism that runs counter to the principles of liberty, justice, and equality. Although I believe in what America is supposed to stand for, I'm not going to fly a flag on my front porch, because right now it symbolizes a lot of things I don't support.

Similarly, if you are a "true" Christian today, you shouldn't be proud of the legacy your religion is laying down. Your foremost responsibility should be to call out the church's corruption, not to praise the gospel. If you turn a blind eye to what is going on all around you, you are part of the problem. It doesn't matter how much you narrow your focus on what you believe are the good aspects of your religion. If you're letting others rampage across the countryside in the name of your God, and your primary instinct isn't to stand up and speak out against it (loudly and with regularity), then you are just as responsible as they are for the sins your church is committing. Because these campaigns wouldn't be popular if those complaints weren't perceived to be representative of the concerns of the national congregation. If Christianity truly were a positive influence on society, it wouldn't permit itself to exist in the form it's currently in.

In Search of a Nudist Anime Character

Introduction

For obvious reasons, nude scenes are not entirely uncommon in entertainment media, but they are often played for titillation (if not just for laughs). Some nudists object to this portrayal, citing their concern that pop culture is contributing to the "sexualization" of nudity - which makes nonsexual nudism a progressively more foreign concept, and thus less likely for mainstream populations to permit. As somebody who enjoys nudity both for its nonsexual as well as its sexual qualities, these scenes don't typically bother me - in fact, I quite enjoy them. However, it is nice to see nonsexual nudism represented in fiction as well. Since there are so few truly nudist characters out there, my ears always perk up when I hear about one. That's what led me to recently sit down and watch Waiting in the Summer (romanized Japanese title: ano natsu de matteru).

Out of all forms of popular media, Japanese anime is one that has a prolific tendency to sexualize its characters (especially women, a notable portion of which are fairly young in age), for which it sometimes receives criticism. As a sex-positive progressive, I'm not concerned by the acknowledgement of human sexuality (even among youth) present in these stories; rather I am more concerned by the stilted way in which sexual feelings and relationships are often addressed by a culture that, while having a demonstrably creative sexual imagination (which I champion!), often still manages to express a considerable level of shame and repression through its fiction, which may act as an outlet for desires unfulfilled.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to put Japan on the therapist's couch here. Nor is this meant to be an academic study of the sexual health and politics of a country I don't even live in. It's just an observation I've had as a longtime fan of the culture, and of the media it puts out into the world. To continue to my intended point, while explicit nudity in anime is rare (outside of the pornographic subgenre referred to as hentai), so-called "fan service" is quite common. These are scenes where characters are either scantily dressed, or involved in sexually suggestive poses or situations (sometimes humorously misconstrued by other characters as such, or otherwise accompanied by a metaphorical wink and nod to the viewer), for no other reason than to appeal to a prurient interest.

Which, again, I have no problem with. But given that this is the general temperature of the medium, and that I'm not aware of the counterculture of nudism having a significant foothold in Japan*, it's fair to say that this is not where I would expect to find a lot of good representations of the lifestyle. Nevertheless, when one does crop up, it may be quite notable. Kill la Kill is the most prominent example of a series I can think of where anti-textilism is a major theme, albeit in a highly sensationalized manner. In the story, an armed resistance group called Nudist Beach fights aliens who come in the form of clothing, and one of the main antagonists is a grand couturier.

The last occurrence of an ostensibly nudist character I encountered in anime turned out to be a brief digression in a series dripping with fan service. Titled Eromanga-sensei, it lies deeply entrenched in the realm of eyebrow-raising anime premises: a teenage boy discovers that his shut-in of a little sister is actually a minor celebrity in the online world of erotic manga. In one of the show's more relatable moments, a character is caught unawares while lounging naked at home alone. Regardless of the artist's intent in drawing this scene, in attempting to explain her actions, the character manages an effective defense of nudism - even if you'd prefer to take it out of the context of the rest of the series.

*[On the subject of social nudity in Japan (as I know it), there is a cultural history of using hot springs and public bath houses, but as far as I am aware, these are typically segregated by gender, and the nudity is fairly well contained to the activity of "bathing" (or soaking), and does not, to my knowledge, usually spill out beyond that; also, the practice of "skinship", in which a mother and child engage in unimpeded skin-to-skin contact for reasons of health and bonding, once again does not seem to translate to a generally open attitude toward nudity outside of the bounds of such parental intimacy, early in the life of a child, before it has broadened its social life outside of the home.]

First Impressions

The very broad premise of Waiting in the Summer is that an alien crash lands in the Japanese countryside, disguises itself as a teenage girl (or conveniently already looks like one), and befriends a group of high school students working on an amateur film project over the summer. It's a bit like E.T. meets Dawson's Creek. From the start of the series, it's not readily apparent who the nudist character is going to be (to the point that I had to wonder if I'd got the name of the right series). My best guess was that it would be the alien character, who is unfamiliar with Earth customs. But she expresses genuine anxiety about fitting in with human culture, and it seems like any kind of stubborn adherence to a nudist outlook would be a hindrance to that goal.

The second episode almost certainly reveals the answer, but in a very understated manner. In a scene where the various characters are engaged in a "game" of phone tag, one of the characters is standing in her bedroom on the phone completely naked (albeit holding a large stuffed animal to obscure much of the view), which by itself is pretty unusual. There is no explanation - not even an acknowledgment of the character's state of dress (after all, she is alone in the room), and the scene is very short. It's just there, and then it's gone.

In the same episode there are scenes of deliberate fan service, in which the alien girl comes out of the shower barely dressed, and through a combination of anime logic and physics, ends up pressing her bare breasts into the main protagonist's face (he is, of course, unconscious at the time). In this light, the fact that the earlier scene was glossed over and not played for titillation becomes rather conspicuous.

As further evidence, in the following episode, the character in question seems pointedly rattled when a breeze threatens to blow up her skirt. Granted, it's not unusual for a teenage girl in a short skirt to worry about flashing her underwear, but the subtle suggestion that she's not wearing any is another example of this show's rare blink-and-you'll-miss-it approach to nudism.

The most curious thing about the character who turned out to be the nudist is the fact that I would not have guessed it would be her. She's excessively shy, and modest about her body. When volunteered to feature on camera in the amateur film, she expresses visible apprehension. At swim class, everyone else is hanging out in their swimsuits, and she's wearing a baggy overshirt.

On the one hand, I'm sure nudists at large would appreciate that she's not being stereotyped as an exhibitionist, which is a common misinterpretation of the lifestyle. Even as an exhibitionist myself, I can understand that. It's more beneficial (and more novel) to depict a nudist character who is not interested in showing off at every opportunity. That said, there's a point at which extreme insecurity contradicts her characterization as a nudist. I don't need the character to be obnoxious about showing off her body, but I would like to see some expression of the "it's just a body, who cares?" mentality that characterizes nudism.

Second Thoughts

After writing the above, I had an epiphany that improves my impression of this series' representation of a nudist character. I realized that I'm talking from the bias of having years of nudist experience. This character probably hasn't been exposed to the "institution" of nudism like I have. I doubt she's had contact with the lifestyle, and been introduced to its fundamental tenets. I doubt her family are even nudists. This may not be the fantasy of nudism I was looking for; but it's actually more realistic that she remains "closeted" among her friends.

And the fact is, I used to be just like her. I used to be a teenager with no knowledge of nudism, who nevertheless liked to take my clothes off in private. I had to keep it a secret because I didn't know anybody else like me, and it was a taboo subject. And you know what? I was pretty self-conscious about my body at that time, too. It wasn't until I had a lot of experience being naked in front of other people (first as an internet model, and later as a social nudist) that I gained the confidence I have now. This character isn't a lifestyler. She's a secret naturist!

Or so I thought.

Further Developments

I'm not going to spoil how the story ends - frankly, I don't need to do that in order to talk about its portrayal of nudism, which is a very minor subplot. But as it was the most interesting aspect of the series (to me), you might want to stop reading now if that's something you want to discover for yourself.

The truth is, I didn't find myself very much invested in the characters or anything else that was going on. Other than being used as an engine to drive the plot towards a climax, the sci-fi elements take a backseat to the romance, which only barely rises above the genre's frustrating clichés - mostly in the second half when everyone's feelings are laid bare, and we get to see how they all deal with the fallout.

Notably, it was the nudism element - however small - that kept me intrigued enough to keep watching, just to see how they would handle it. I may have minority interests, but it seems to me that there are real stories out there that haven't been told, that would be more engaging than a silly plot about a teenager falling in love with an alien.

So, how does the nudism theme unfold in later episodes? While fighting over a boy, the nudist girl's tendency to not wear underwear is revealed. When her rival accuses her of being an exhibitionist, she defends herself by making a confession. Not only does she identify as a nudist (teaching me a new Japanese word), but she actually comes from a nudist family after all. (Honestly, I didn't know there were any nudist families in Japan). She didn't realize her upbringing was unusual until she started school, at which point she understandably hid her nudism from her peers in order to avoid being teased. (Realistically, I think this is the point when most kids raised in the lifestyle start to turn away from nudism, rather than risk social isolation).

I have some issues with the explanations she gives for some of her behaviors, though. In the beach episode (there's always a beach episode - it's one of the perks of living on an island nation), she says that she wears a sweatshirt over her swimsuit because she has sensitive skin. Touch sensitivity is an excellent reason to try out nudism, but didn't she become a nudist due to family tradition? And if not wearing clothes has made her skin sensitive to textiles, then she should be wearing less, not more. If, on the other hand, it's the sun she's sensitive to - then how did she ever become accustomed to nudism? Is this just an excuse because she's self-conscious about her lack of tan lines? (But she's not even tan). Or is it that she's afraid to develop tan lines, and thus be revealed as a traitor to her family's ideals?

On the subject of not wearing panties (the one garment I'd almost be tempted to say is the most likely thing for a nudist female to be caught wearing, as opposed to being the only thing she's not wearing while otherwise fully dressed), she claims that it's a result of her low blood pressure(!), which causes her mind to be foggy in the mornings when she's getting dressed. Am I being too critical or are the writers grasping at straws here? "I'm not used to wearing them and I feel more comfortable without, and it's under my clothes -" (for the most part) "- so nobody is supposed to find out anyway" isn't a good enough excuse?

Despite being an uncommonly sensitive portrayal of nudism, I still get the sense that we're being presented with a wish fulfillment fantasy here - i.e., "the cute girl that has a crush on you loves to be naked!" (After all, true realism would almost certainly demand that the nudist character be male). Not that there's anything wrong with wish fulfillment fantasies; that's partly the purpose of entertainment. But by the time we get to the OVA episode, where the fan service is dialed up to 11 (these are frequently bonus episodes released to DVD and therefore less limited by broadcast restrictions), I can no longer say that the character's nudism is portrayed in an entirely non-sexualized manner.

However, there is still a distinction to be made between the artistic portrayal of nudity, and the viewer's response to it. (As an example, if a textile rents a nudist video for sexual purposes, it doesn't render the video pornographic). In one notable scene, the nudist character is hanging out at home with her friend (who remains dressed). Whether or not the viewer is being invited to leer at the exposed flesh on display, the fact remains that it is incredibly rare to see this kind of casual, social nudity - accepted as is, without fanfare, and devoid of a sexual context - not just in anime, but live action entertainment as well.

It's something I'd like to see a whole lot more of - and something that could go a long way toward normalizing the concept of nudism, and letting textiles hash out their insecurities over the perceived issues involved with encountering day-to-day nudity, even if it remains pure speculative fantasy, and not something that's commonly encountered in the real world. You'd just have to beware the tempting pitfall of making it sexual (which is not to say that the subject of sex cannot be broached). Creatives take note - there is a lot of unmined potential here. I just wish I had more of an inclination for telling stories and developing characters than I do for analyzing concepts.

Haunted by an Apparition of Beauty

I have this vision inside of my head. It's probably inspired by early experiences of viewing naturist photography, especially from a time long past when the lifestyle emphasized fitness and vitality (instead of uncritical body acceptance - for better and worse).

It is a vision of grace and beauty; lithe young bodies unselfconsciously exposed and nonchalantly inhabiting either the natural or the manmade world (either one delights the senses). There's no sexuality involved; and while I don't see how adding an erotic element would detract from this picture in any way, I must admit that there is a certain intrigue to the concept of a lifestyle where beautiful people perform normal, everyday activities entirely without clothes.

That is, opposed to reserving that outfit strictly for sexual (or otherwise private - in which none but a hallowed few receive the privilege of observation) encounters. For, even as sexually progressive as I am, I wouldn't be comfortable being surrounded by sex all the time. Yet my eyes have never once drunk their fill of looking at beautiful naked bodies; that thirst is unquenchable.

My fantasy is to live in a world where such sights are commonplace. Reality can, at times, approach this utopic vision, but only with great effort, and only in fleeting approximation. It is this fantasy that my photography is engineered to evoke; in my best moments, I can capture a little part of that vision of naked beauty that lives in my head. But, alas, I am not getting any younger or prettier.

Chasing the ghost of that vision, and trying to recreate the excitement I felt the first time it appeared to me, is what keeps me shooting like a madman, even when by all rights I should stop and have a rest. Taking pictures won't bring my dream to life, but so long as it allows me to occasionally catch glimpses of that world, as if through a window, I will continue to pursue. This is, without a doubt, my life's passion.

Some're to Fall

Even though we're constantly being reminded of it, it's still easy to forget - and hard to imagine - that the world looks different to different people. Although I do have an appreciation for fashion, I tend to take it for granted (because it's how I personally feel) that the unclothed human body is the ideal form of beauty, and that clothes are there to frame and accentuate - like the polished backing that sets off a glittering gem - not to cover and obscure. So that, the skimpier the outfit, the better it looks (provided the person wearing it is attractive to start with, of course). Which is why I love summer fashion so much.

Some like to bundle up; I like to strip down.

Matters of taste are notoriously subjective - this I know. That's the appeal of freedom. Everybody gets to make their own choices, and the result is an abundance of diversity. Something for everyone. Of course, it's human nature to advocate for your own interests, but what gets to me is when cultural pressure is applied in order to lock out certain choices. You don't have to like skimpy clothes, because you don't have to wear skimpy clothes. But it's a consistent pattern that people who do (or would, if they had the agency) like to wear skimpy clothes receive a lot of judgment for their choices, often deterring them from doing it.

We're a social species. Not all of us are as fiercely nonconformist, and immune to peer pressure as I am. In fact, I'd wager that most people are not like me in that respect. We want to fit in. We want to be accepted. It takes a lot of courage to buck the trend and stand out, and stick to your guns while doing it. If I were even a smidge less independently-minded, I'd have given up on presenting as the gender I feel like in my heart, a long time ago. I haven't. But I worry how many people are out there suppressing their identity and their happiness in order to feel that sense of belonging that we all crave.

And the result is that the mainstream tends to railroad minority interests. Isn't it enough that these interests are in the minority? Do we have to exert pressure to stamp them out entirely? If it were simply the case that nobody else liked to walk around with a lot of skin exposed, I'd be disappointed, but I'd be out of luck. I could make a case for my approach, but I can't control how other people think. But the fact that there are people out there who would probably join me, but don't, out of a fear of judgment - well, that just riles me up. If you don't like it, don't do it, but leave others alone to do their thing!

And when you put a moralizing edge on top of it - as there always is, in matters that relate to beauty and the human body, which are inextricably entwined with the aesthetic element of our fundamental sexuality - you're rigging the game against me. I can't say, "but it should be okay for people to walk around town in string bikinis" (much less nude) without losing respectability and sounding like a single-minded pervert (as opposed to a connoisseur of aestheticism*). The opponent has, in effect, hollowed out the base of my argument so that merely standing on it causes it to collapse. It's sabotage!

I wanna go where the weather suits my clothes.

*[This might be a tough claim to swallow, as most people are not attracted to most people they encounter. Perhaps I'm being idealistic, but think about the feeling you get when you do encounter somebody you find attractive, and then imagine getting to see more of them. I keep thinking back to pool culture, and how quickly we become acclimated to a veritable panorama of bare skin. Also, there's a confidence factor involved. Self-consciousness may inspire average-looking people to cover up, but it's the moralizing and the slut-shaming that's jealously heaped on people who should be showing it off that feels distinctly unjust to me.]

The reason we're not limited to an academic discussion of hypotheticals here is because it all pivots on the fulcrum of what we're allowed (or, more importantly, not allowed) to expose our children to. Anything that's deemed inappropriate for children is naturally going to take on an edge of taboo - since it's a form of knowledge that will be actively denied of them. To think that such an ingrown notion will instantly disappear the moment they reach maturity is nothing short of magical thinking. The effect is that we will always carry a little bit of shame surrounding these topics, because it's what we were taught in our most malleable years. (For things like drinking and smoking, I have little sympathy, as those are detrimental to the health. Sexuality, while perfectly natural and healthy, is fraught with complications. But awareness of human anatomy? We're talking about the fundamentals here!).

And that is why conservatives* in Wisconsin are currently trying to criminalize nudism, despite the fact that science and unbiased reason back up the claim that there is nothing harmful about people being exposed to the human body from a young age. (How insane is it to outlaw the sight of what every single one of us possesses beneath our clothing?). Why does it feel like we're moving backward; that our civilization is regressing? Haven't we reached a point where we can simply be unclothed humans without assuming that it will turn us into unrestrained sex fiends? Or that we can admire the natural beauty of the human body - simultaneously holding its erotic qualities in our mind, while recognizing the distance between our imagination and the reality before our eyes? Clearly, we have not. And I'm growing tired of waiting around for the rest of society to evolve. I didn't get thrown into this American experiment just to die with my dreams unfulfilled.

Being undressed is not an adult activity.

*[A note on partisanship. Although these measures far too frequently receive bipartisan support, conservatives rightfully bear the brunt of the responsibility for them. Liberal politicians should absolutely be held accountable for their spinelessness in not standing up to conservative rhetoric. However, saying that they are just as responsible as the party that consistently brings these issues to bear in the first place would be delusional. It has been proven time and time again that these are issues conservative politicians are concerned about (or, more accurately, know that they can bolster their reputation among their gullible constituents by pretending to be concerned about). When you bring a bill to the table that's been disingenuously labeled the "Child Protection Act" (it sounds like a cliché but this is literally the case in Wisconsin), you're guaranteed bipartisan support because the alternative is political suicide. And that, my friends, is what we call "justice" here in these United States.]

Why should I pay to see your art?

Question: Why should I pay for a subscription on a fansite when you share so much of your art for free?

Answer: This is a very good question, and I hope that what I have for you is a very good answer. Both as an artist and an exhibitionist, I enjoy sharing my self-portraits with other people. I do it for myself as much as for the rest of you who like to see the pictures I take. But though it is work I would do for free (and have, for many years), I still believe artists deserve to be paid for the labor that goes into creating art, if for no other reason than it justifies them spending that time creating art and not working a different job. If you like art, and think it has value, then artists should get paid. Otherwise, there would be no art.

I'll come straight out and say, I'm not a good businessman. I wasn't born to a wealthy family of venture capitalists, I don't understand the calculus of economic risk vs. reward, and I don't have an entreprenurial bone in my body. But I'm creative, and expressive; that's why I'm an artist and not a business owner. That said, money doesn't just enable us to afford luxury, it's a requirement for survival. And I believe my dedication to the art of nude photography over a span of more than 15 years (with my earliest forays into the genre dating back to 2002!) possesses salable value. I'm not just an amateur hobbyist. This is my life's passion.

But you don't have to take my word for it. Art can and should speak for itself; I share more than enough of it for you to form an opinion on what I do. The fact is, there are people out there willing to pay for it, and I'd be a fool to turn them down. That leaves you with a choice. I've never wanted to lock my art - and my voice for self-expression - behind a paywall, excluding those who can't afford admittance. As a starving artist, believe me when I say I know what that's like. That's why you will always be able to enjoy a meaningful portion of the fruits of my labors free of charge. At the same time, I want to reserve special privileges as a reward for those who are able and willing to help support me financially (in whatever small part).

So, what do you get when you subscribe to one of my paid accounts? For now, there are two things of consequence that I am offering. One of them is quantity. Although I like to share many of the best works I produce with wider audiences, paying fans get access to everything. Even in my most prolific year on Twitter, I posted 143 images publicly, while in that same time, I shared 882 images with paying fans. That's a lot more variety - and a much greater chance of finding something you like. That includes entire photo sets and alternate poses not seen anywhere else - scores of good quality images that simply never made the highly exclusive "PR reel". Plus, you'll get behind the scenes views and a deeper insight into my mindset and photographic process. And though I take all feedback into consideration, as a paying fan, your opinions and suggestions about what I shoot will hold extra weight.

And that's not even the best part. Reserved solely for subscribers is nearly the entirety of my videographic output, uncensored and unrestricted by regressive community standards. You've seen me in still frame after still frame, and occasionally in multi-frame animations. Paying fans get to see me in full motion video - fully naked, and fully aroused, too. Imagine your favorite image of mine, and picture it not just as a photo set with up to a dozen or more variations, but in motion! In the same year cited above, I posted as many videos as there are weeks in a year - but for subscribers' eyes only. Most of them are relatively short exhibitions (so you'll never get bored!) of me engaged in various nude activities, indoors and out. But from time to time, fans will get an extra special treat. For just five bucks you can see it all. Then you can decide for yourself whether it's worth it. So go on, give it a shot. I'm sitting here without any clothes on, just waiting for you to come inside.

Bare in the Woods

As a sort of companion to last year's photoseries titled Dendrophilia, in which I spent the better part of the year seeking out and posing nude with interesting trees, this year I decided to recycle the bear mask I'd bought for my Goldilocks-themed shoot last fall, and, in service of my dual passions for naturism and photography, pose naked out in the woods as if I were a bear.

Focusing around rocky mountain hillsides and flowing river valleys, I sought out multiple locations in which to shoot over the summer, where I thought the presence of a bear would be appropriate. And now that fall has arrived, and winter is around the corner - when my love of outdoor nude recreation will be forced into hibernation until the spring - I can close the book on this project and show you the fruits of my labors!

As a nudist, what separates me from the rest of the population is that I'm actually more comfortable when I'm NOT wearing clothes (climate-considering). When I get dressed, it's not for my own sake, it's to make OTHER people more comfortable. And while I can enjoy being naked anywhere (truly, just about anywhere), the truth is, I really like being naked outdoors.

It's not a sexual thing. And it doesn't require an audience (although it's often hard to find privacy on this overcrowded planet). Obviously, weather is a factor, but I love the feeling of the wind and the sun, and the rocks and the grass, without the sensory-dampening buffer of clothing between the elements and my skin. The feeling of primal freedom that comes from being clad only in the sky - especially surrounded by nature - is honestly a spiritual experience for me.

I lament that opportunities to enjoy this sort of thing are so limited, and that even when I can, there is often the fear that, if discovered, my activities would be misunderstood. Because of this, getting naked in the woods can be a conflicting experience. On the one hand, it feels perfectly natural. But on the other, your social conditioning is telling you that you're doing something wrong. So you're sneaking around, hiding from any people you might come across. But then, that's how most of the wildlife behaves anyway.

I enjoy the artistic challenge of creating nude self-portraits for a number of reasons. Among them is the fact that it gives me an excuse to be naked in beautiful locations, and it gives me something to do while I'm there, involving a lot of physical exertion which is good exercise that keeps me in shape.

The truth is, I would pursue opportunities to be naked in nature even were I not an artist. But when I'm able to capture pictures that showcase the artistry of the human body amidst the beauty of our planet, I feel gratified in that it justifies my activities and inclinations, and gives me a chance to share my perspective with the world. So that, hopefully, in the end, people won't think I was never anything more than an inscrutable eccentric or a weirdo pervert.

Although I might be that, too. :-p

Mixed Messaging

As a creative-minded photographic artist interested in online activism, I appreciate seeing the advocacy images people come up with and share on social media. I even like to join in with my own on occasion. But sometimes, I have to shake my head at what I find online. Take the image below, which suffers from a disjointed tone. Ostensibly promoting topfreedom, it talks of equality, but seems to lack self-awareness. The fine print at bottom (a pretentious six lines of copyright for what effectively boils down to a composite of two stolen images) suggests a nudist or body-positive interpretation, but the choice of two impossibly beautiful models undermines its overall message (tip: it's possible to pick attractive models who are nevertheless not quite so out of the ordinary).

At a glance, one would be forgiven for mistaking this image to be a simple piece of eye candy. And don't get me wrong, these two people look incredible (this would not be a bad advertisement for bisexuality, if not also for crippling self-consciousness and body image disorders). There's nothing wrong with admiring their chiseled physiques. Except that, again, the fine print employs typical nudist jargon to cast aspersions on those who would share the image for more superficial purposes. It's softcore porn masquerading as nudist advocacy, that tries to grasp legitimacy by condemning pornography. Amazingly, the post manages to alienate both of its potential audiences. Nudists will be annoyed by the amplification of unrealistic beauty standards, while porn hunters will be put off by the admonishment of their "sexualized" motives (although let's be honest - they don't give a shit). The only cause this banner flies for is skin-thirsty hypocrites hiding behind the purifying sheen of nudism.

The final squirt of whipped cream on top of this debacle of a wannabe topfreedom meme is the fact that the two photos are specifically pointed out to be of unknown origin, while the person who edited the piece together spends three lines advertising their name and social media links. I respect the creativity involved with pairing text and images together to get across an idea (in another life, I might have been a clever ad-man), but it's ironic in this case, not only in that the result is so lackluster as to cast shade on the author's desire to take credit for it, but that the meat of the post - the two photographs - remain uncredited. Granted, these sorts of images tend to get passed around a lot, and it can be difficult to find their source. Then again, an inquiry on Reddit could potentially yield an unexpectedly fruitful result. But I'd be surprised if the author went to any trouble at all to track them down. Despite the fact that a journey of this kind can be a lot of fun. (It's not much, but a literal 30 second search on Google turned up the name of actor Kellan Lutz - and that's a start).

Can we agree to try just a little bit harder next time?

Belonging

What I find most interesting about this article (in which nudist travel bloggers Naked Wanderings reviews Bare Oaks Family Naturist Park) is that the author(s) haven't just reviewed the facilities they visited, but were actually able to record a demo video on the grounds. I'm sure they got special permissions, and they certainly have the reputation - and the proven skill - to do it justice. There can be no doubt that I am not the only one who envies their lifestyle, touring the world and producing quality content in support of the naturist lifestyle.

But I'm also caught thinking that they are so lucky to have found the lifestyle they love, that they have an opportunity to work passionately to support. I support nudism, and am invested in advocating for it, but even if I had the people skills to do something like this, I worry that I have too much of a preoccupation with beauty and sex-positivity to be viewed as "pure" enough of a nudist. And the reality is, I love nudism, but the lifestyle is still not a 100% perfect fit for me. And I fear that that perfect fit doesn't exist.

I'm just too much of a unique individual. I would love to meet a community that had all the same core beliefs that I have, with which I could share a mutual and unshaking respect. To which I could give my talents and my passions fully and wholeheartedly, to represent and advocate on behalf of. Instead, I feel lost and alone, drifting in a sea of people I can only ever relate to to a point. I like the idea behind the concept of "finding your tribe", but my search has been in vain all my life. I don't think I have one. And that makes me sad. Because I could be so much more than I am. If I could only find somewhere I belong.

Freedom Versus Beauty

In a comment on a recent post on this blog, I wrote "freedom is high up on the shelf, but I live and die for beauty." And I was thinking about that. The reason I place beauty above freedom is because, to me, beauty is happiness. And the way I see it, the purpose of freedom is to give us the ability to pursue happiness (since happiness is so mercurial that it can't simply be prescribed). Perhaps freedom has an intrinsic value apart from its utility in steering us toward happiness, but I can say that if I had the ability to be happy at the cost of my freedom, I'm not sure how valuable freedom would be anymore. Isn't that why all these conservatives who are perfectly content with the way things are (or used to be) are trying to take away our freedoms?

Anyway, it led me to an interesting thought experiment. If you had to choose between two alternatives, which would you prefer? A world in which all are free to go nude, at the cost of everybody being ugly...or a world in which everyone is beautiful, but nobody is permitted to go nude? Of course, it begs the question of whether there is any value in beauty if it's covered up. What if I said you could be surrounded by beautiful naked people, but you couldn't take your own clothes off?

I can say I would be hard-pressed to choose between those two alternatives, but neither one would be totally satisfactory. The ideal, of course, is to have both - freedom and beauty. But I do feel as though I'm often made to choose between the two. To spend a day alone and naked in the woods, or clothed with friends? To visit a nudist resort filled with old and sagging bodies, or put on a swimsuit and surround myself with bodies that are less ravaged by age? My solution is to alternate between the two, as opportunities arise. But I still dream of a world in which we can have both, simultaneously...