Keep Pushin'

I'm torn in three directions right now. Finish posting the stuff from January, since I prefer to release material chronologically? Post what I just shot, to keep it relevant to the season? Or continue working through my backlog, to bring my older material up to date? (And spending time contemplating it only exacerbates the problem). Although having a buffer of content ready for release takes some pressure off of the stress of being pushed to maintain a regular posting schedule, I don't like the feeling of being drowned in my own work.

In a perfect world, I would post what I have as soon as I have it, and I wouldn't be pressured by my hosting platform with the threat of losing subscribers (or even my account) if I need to take several months' rest before I'm inspired to produce something new. This is a fear I have - periods of drought - even though in practical reality, I have the opposite problem: I produce so much, I can't process it (let alone release it) fast enough.

Every so often (as I've done before) I tell myself, from here on out, anything new I produce I'll release right away, so it doesn't add to the considerable backlog I'm already dealing with. But every single time, without fail, I end up producing so much I simply can't keep up with it. And so in the end I'll have sporadic bouts of releases, with other shoots left by the wayside, and a backlog that keeps growing, instead of shrinking.

And the result is, I'm left with a chaotic mess, and it's a struggle just to keep things organized. And I like things organized. The only thing that would help my problem is if I stopped taking pictures. But I love taking pictures! And, well, I have a compulsion to do it. Though I don't think it's a bad problem to have - being too prolific. It's not like an unhealthy addiction. It's good for my art, because I'm constantly getting experience, and the more pictures you take, the more likely you are to get some great ones along the way.

So I guess I'll just keep pushin' on. For now, at least. I just wish I got paid more to do it. Even minimum wage part time would seem like an embarrassment of riches to this starving artist...

Destined For Nudist Retirement

So, we're heading in to another summer season, and I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to keep up with my output as a photographer. I still have pictures from January to share - to say nothing of the two-and-a-half year backlog I'm working through. I keep telling myself I'm going to learn how to enjoy nude recreation without taking pictures, but to be honest - and I guess this is something I'll never agree with nudists on - as enjoyable as just being nude in the great outdoors is, I derive a significant amount of pleasure from the artistic challenge of creating beautiful images of naked beauty. It gives me an excuse to be out there, it gives me something to do while I'm out there, and it keeps me in shape.

The problem is, I can't keep up with my own output, and I'm worried that as I grow older, I won't have the stamina to satisfy that drive - and although I might be able to spend my "retirement" sitting comfortably in front of a computer screen, processing photos from summers past, I can already tell you that spending hours upon hours meticulously clicking a mouse is exhausting in its own way, and my productivity is only going to decline with age.

Maybe I should just buy a plot on the grounds of a nudist camp, where I'd have no choice but to put my camera in storage, join a naked volleyball league, and learn to enjoy the immediate day-to-day pleasure of being surrounded by (mostly) like-minded naked people. Even though they would mostly be old and out of shape - as I might someday be (I can't avoid getting old, but I'd like to believe I'll still be able to keep myself in shape) - there's always the promise of an occasional visitor, exceptionally young and fit, to look forward to seeing on the grounds every now and then.

I don't think that makes me a villain (and I think a lot of nudists would agree, if they were being honest). It just isn't fair to lump those who appreciate beauty in with those who would seek to abuse and exploit it. But if that makes me a villain, then we might as well just burn this whole twisted world to the ground. For - to paraphrase George R. R. Martin - only a monster god would give a man eyes and tell him he must forever keep them shut, and never look at all the beauty in the world.