The Limitations of Cross-Fashion

The thing with transgender (and nonbinary) fashion is that our cis-normative society has catered certain fits to certain anatomy. This isn't solely a cultural thing - as men and women's chests and crotches are shaped very differently. But there's a lot that can be done to reduce the impact of a person's anatomy when they, e.g., want to dress in a style that's more conventionally associated with the opposite sex. For example, you can design a dress that's feminine without requiring an ample bosom to fill out the top, and there are certain styles that are more effective than others at disguising a bulge in the skirt.

What frustrates me (I was going to say "surprises", but it's really not surprising) is how much commercial, mass-produced pride gear is just conventional men or women's clothing with a transgender pride flag print slapped on it. In a certain sense, a lot of transgender individuals ultimately just want to pass as the gender they identify as - but for a lot of these people, for a significant portion of their journey, it's not always (sometimes, but often not) as easy as putting on clothes that were made for somebody with a different body.

I know transgender customers are an exceedingly small minority, but how common is it, exactly, for cis people to wear clothes printed with pride flags? It's great that allies can show their support, but not at the expense of overlooking the impacted population's ability to boost their own visibility. Or, you know, just to have something to wear. I really think there's untapped potential for fashion that caters to people who want to project a certain gender, while occupying the body of a different sex. Like, that pride flag string bikini might look incredible, but there's no way it's ever going to fit me well enough that I can actually wear it in public...

And do you know how hard it is to find thong underwear with the storage capacity to carry a package? You don't even need to be transgender to appreciate the advantages of wearing a thong! I tell you, men really miss out on so much living in a neurotically homophobic culture.

More To Nudity

It's sad that some people will go through their entire lives thinking that nudity's only function is a sexual one. Think of all the opportunities that will be missed, to enjoy the feeling of freedom that comes from being unclothed - alone, while not engaged in sexual activities, but especially in the company of platonic friends. Think of the artistry, and the beauty of the human form, that will go unappreciated in life, because every instance of exposure is interpreted purely in the context of the pursuit of sexual gratification. People are terrified to even glance at specific parts of other people's bodies, assuming that such anatomical knowledge is reserved for a sexual relationship. In the fitting room. At the pool. Lounging at home. We bend over backwards to make ourselves uncomfortable, all on account of an arbitrary taboo. Think of all the art, the entertainment, the humor, that will be passed up, written off, and ignored, treated as nothing more than simple-minded pornography.

I'm not saying it's wrong to enjoy the erotic appeal of the human body. I'm a passionate advocate for sex-positivity. It's not either/or. I just want to emphasize how much further the virtue of nudity extends. If you only ever get so far as to recognize its sex appeal and stop there, you'll be missing out on so much. Nudity can be an element of fashion (it sounds counter-intuitive, but it's really not - after all, you can't change clothes without getting undressed first); it can be an element of fitness and athletics (as in antiquity, and the original Olympics of ancient Greece). The human body, properly cultivated, has the potential to be a shining beacon of joy and inspiration in our frequently dour lives. If you only ever allow yourself to indulge in it in a sexual context, limited to a few private relationships, you're excluding yourself from so much pleasure and happiness. But it's not just about you, because this belief shared by society prevents other people from experiencing that joy also.

In My Defense

Some people's idea of freedom is to get drunk, drive recklessly, and shout obscenities to strangers. My idea of freedom is to get out into nature, away from people, and take off my clothes. One of these activities is more popular than the other. It's also the one that's more disruptive of society.

Pool Rules

or Swimsuit Sexism vs. a Free Body Culture

Preface: With Memorial Day just around the corner (and therefore the start of the summer season), I've had swimsuits once again on my mind. I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but I'm going to keep bringing this up until the culture changes (if it ever does). If you're annoyed of hearing about it, just know that I'm annoyed coming up against the same limitations to my freedom year after year after year. It's tiring, I know. That's the point. But if you want to shut me up, then change the culture. If you won't give me freedom, then at least give me equality.

Pool Day vs. Lake Day

Sexism is...

1) equating briefs on a man to a thong on a woman (because we're used to seeing more of women's bodies, I suppose),

2) outlawing both at the pool, yet

3) permitting young girls to habitually wear thongs without fanfare, while

4) any man appearing in a brief is singled out and censured, and

5) assumed to be a pervert or, worse, a sexual predator - because

6) the pool is a "family-friendly" environment.

Like, in what universe is a man dressed in what is considered appropriate for the Olympics more of a threat to the innocence of children than those selfsame children wearing thongs?

Not that I want to police anybody's wardrobe. As a nudist and a civilized human being, I believe that we should all be able to swim naked without incident.

The general public is unfortunately far from being capable of realizing that possibility, but we should at least write our rules in a way that treats the sexes as equal, and not assume that a man's character can be judged by what he's wearing.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm giving humanity way too much credit. We're illogical, superstitious animals. I just can't figure out how I managed to get stuck in the middle of this terrestrial zoo...

actual photograph (emphasis added)

Evaluation: Let's take a closer look at the very rule that is frequently the bane of my summer plans. At face value, it would seem that these restrictions are being applied equally to both sexes, but there is one important exception - men's "Speedos". Yes, men and women both are prohibited from wearing thongs. But consider that I've seen women wear thongs without fanfare, and you would absolutely NOT get away with it if you were a man. That rule is primarily directed at women - even without explicitly saying so - because it's the limit (despite not being enforced) on how little they can wear. If men can't even wear "Speedos", then clearly thongs are out of the question for them; that goes without saying.

Now, when I say that I've seen women (including underage teens) wearing thongs, I'm not talking about completely brazen g strings. But that doesn't mean when I say "thongs", that I don't mean "thongs". Women have a lot more variety in their swimsuits than men, and there are a lot of different styles of bikini bottoms that offer a wide range of coverage - both in the front and back. And for those young women who are interested (and they are out there), there are options that have gotten progressively closer to what we traditionally call a thong. I've even witnessed teenage girls intentionally giving themselves wedgies to create the appearance of a thong. And nobody bats an eyelash. This is part of our culture.

Again, I'm not concerned about it - I'm just jealous that these young girls can get away with so much, when it feels like as a biological male, my options are so much more limited. Yeah, it's a switch from the way things usually go, but this is something that actually matters to me. I'm not interested in being a CEO. I support women being paid as much (if not more) as men. I just want to wear the same kind of swimsuits women can wear. Or at least, a fair equivalent, given our differences in anatomy. It's just so much easier to be a [person who enjoys confidently showing off their body]* as a woman, because these kinds of women are celebrated, while these kinds of men are reviled.**

*There's a much simpler word for this, but I hesitate to use it because it's dripping with unwarranted stigma.

**While it's true that body-confident women do tend to get some blowback, and that men's bodies are frequently sexualized from the waist up, the culture nevertheless normalizes a higher percentage of exposure of women's bodies, while casting disproportionate shade on any suggestion of the male anatomy, due to a misandrist perspective (I would say homophobic, but women join in too - it's really more generally androphobic) on anything associated with male sexuality. If you think my hypothesis is flawed, I would love to hear an alternate explanation for why skimpy bikinis are not just more popular (a matter of personal choice), but less ridiculed (condemning other people's choices) in American culture than men's swim briefs are. Please, let me know.

Getting back to our evaluation of the posted pool rule, men can effectively ignore the prohibition on thongs, because they can't even wear "Speedos", which provide considerably more coverage. And women can certainly ignore the prohibition on "Speedos", not just because they're called men's "Speedos", but because it makes absolutely no sense to prevent a woman from wearing "Speedos", when every single bikini bottom (and every single one piece, for that matter - if we focus on where the legs meet the torso) provides as little or - in most cases - less coverage than a typical men's "Speedo".

Even the fuller coverage bikini bottoms that are marketed to small children offer no more coverage than a typical Speedo-brand swim brief. I know this, because sometimes I buy them in XL so I can have something feminine to wear that still provides the adequate "support" that most adult women's bikini bottoms lack (because they're so skimpy). So, this rule about "Speedos" clearly applies just to men and not women. (We'll just gloss over the fact that the Speedo brand makes other kinds of swimsuits beside the swim briefs they're known for, or the fact that women's "Speedos" usually refer to fairly more modest one piece swimsuits, because most people use the term to refer to the style and not the brand). So you see, although the rule superficially appears to ignore a person's sex, in effect, it actually does provide different rules for the different sexes.

As a final disclaimer, I should confess that I haven't actually tried wearing swim briefs to this particular pool, or ever seen another man do so (as if anybody else in this culture would want to). So I'm only speculating on what would happen. I could be wrong. Clearly, the staff is fairly permissive, given the number of thongs and see-through-when-wet swimsuits I've stood behind on the stairs waiting in line for the water slide (and again, I'm not complaining :-p). I've worn swim briefs just about everywhere else, including public pools with less explicit dress codes. I do tend to stand out and draw a lot of attention - because, even more so than a young girl in a thong, it's not something most people are used to seeing.

Maybe that's the worst that would happen. I'm pretty brave when it comes to these sorts of things, but the truth is, when there's an explicit rule forbidding something, I'm scared to break that rule. I like to push the boundaries, but I don't want people to see me as somebody who doesn't respect the social order. I just want a social order that includes - rather than excludes - me. Especially because most times when I go to the pool, I'm not looking to make a political statement at the risk of expulsion; I'm there with family and I just want to have a good time. And in defense of my claim that what I'd like to wear isn't threatening to a "family-friendly" environment, the kids in my family are always begging me to take them to the lake, where I usually wear a swim brief or even a bikini, and they accept it without issue. In fact, they're very supportive of me. One of them has even made it a habit to go shopping with me to pick out matching bikinis. Nobody thinks twice when a woman does this. Why should I be treated differently, based on what could be considered an accident of birth - my anatomy?

I'm grateful for the level of acceptance I get within my own family - it really means the world to me. But it all comes down to the fact that I'm literally unique. I don't know a single other person who is like me. (Consider that time I went to a large water park in a big city, and I was literally the only guy wearing a swim brief, and I actually witnessed one girl averting her eyes, despite wearing a barely-there bikini herself). So I'm all alone in that respect. I want to push the boundaries, but I'm also scared to be alone out there on the front lines. If I had some friends like me, a community to draw courage from, to support me if I come under fire from a conservative majority, things might be different.

You don't know how hard it is for a man to find acceptable swimwear if he really doesn't like the only style men in this culture are expected to wear - the dreadfully baggy "board short". I can't just swing by the mall and be drowned in options like women are. I have to order stuff online from fetish shops (because they're the only ones in the market for skimpy men's swimwear) at premium prices, and hope that I estimated the fit of the Chinese sizing accurately (spoiler: I didn't). I'm not trying to wage a war on everything you consider holy. I'm just trying to live my life authentically, and pursue the things that make me happy. Human diversity is larger than the neat little boxes we've constructed to contextualize everything we encounter. And people on the fringes deserve respect and happiness as much as you do. I don't want to make you uncomfortable; but I also don't want to be uncomfortable. I want to wear what I'm comfortable wearing. And not have people assume that my body is a weapon, when I have no desire to use it as one. Isn't that what we're supposed to be able to do in a free country?

What was the point of Memorial Day again? To celebrate the freedoms we've gained thanks to those who made the ultimate sacrifice? You can go ahead and make a show of saluting the flag. It's easy enough to do, and requires no test of conviction. But it doesn't mean a damn thing if you turn around and continue to oppress your fellow citizens - especially the disadvantaged ones. And I'm sorry if I sound cynical, and seem unappreciative, but it bothers the spirit of justice within me to know that the more likely a person is to pay lip service to the murderous military-industrial complex, the more likely they are to be an active contributor to the erosion of the very freedoms the sacrifices we're honoring were made to protect. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't want to associate myself with that crowd.

Keep Pushin'

I'm torn in three directions right now. Finish posting the stuff from January, since I prefer to release material chronologically? Post what I just shot, to keep it relevant to the season? Or continue working through my backlog, to bring my older material up to date? (And spending time contemplating it only exacerbates the problem). Although having a buffer of content ready for release takes some pressure off of the stress of being pushed to maintain a regular posting schedule, I don't like the feeling of being drowned in my own work.

In a perfect world, I would post what I have as soon as I have it, and I wouldn't be pressured by my hosting platform with the threat of losing subscribers (or even my account) if I need to take several months' rest before I'm inspired to produce something new. This is a fear I have - periods of drought - even though in practical reality, I have the opposite problem: I produce so much, I can't process it (let alone release it) fast enough.

Every so often (as I've done before) I tell myself, from here on out, anything new I produce I'll release right away, so it doesn't add to the considerable backlog I'm already dealing with. But every single time, without fail, I end up producing so much I simply can't keep up with it. And so in the end I'll have sporadic bouts of releases, with other shoots left by the wayside, and a backlog that keeps growing, instead of shrinking.

And the result is, I'm left with a chaotic mess, and it's a struggle just to keep things organized. And I like things organized. The only thing that would help my problem is if I stopped taking pictures. But I love taking pictures! And, well, I have a compulsion to do it. Though I don't think it's a bad problem to have - being too prolific. It's not like an unhealthy addiction. It's good for my art, because I'm constantly getting experience, and the more pictures you take, the more likely you are to get some great ones along the way.

So I guess I'll just keep pushin' on. For now, at least. I just wish I got paid more to do it. Even minimum wage part time would seem like an embarrassment of riches to this starving artist...

Destined For Nudist Retirement

So, we're heading in to another summer season, and I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to keep up with my output as a photographer. I still have pictures from January to share - to say nothing of the two-and-a-half year backlog I'm working through. I keep telling myself I'm going to learn how to enjoy nude recreation without taking pictures, but to be honest - and I guess this is something I'll never agree with nudists on - as enjoyable as just being nude in the great outdoors is, I derive a significant amount of pleasure from the artistic challenge of creating beautiful images of naked beauty. It gives me an excuse to be out there, it gives me something to do while I'm out there, and it keeps me in shape.

The problem is, I can't keep up with my own output, and I'm worried that as I grow older, I won't have the stamina to satisfy that drive - and although I might be able to spend my "retirement" sitting comfortably in front of a computer screen, processing photos from summers past, I can already tell you that spending hours upon hours meticulously clicking a mouse is exhausting in its own way, and my productivity is only going to decline with age.

Maybe I should just buy a plot on the grounds of a nudist camp, where I'd have no choice but to put my camera in storage, join a naked volleyball league, and learn to enjoy the immediate day-to-day pleasure of being surrounded by (mostly) like-minded naked people. Even though they would mostly be old and out of shape - as I might someday be (I can't avoid getting old, but I'd like to believe I'll still be able to keep myself in shape) - there's always the promise of an occasional visitor, exceptionally young and fit, to look forward to seeing on the grounds every now and then.

I don't think that makes me a villain (and I think a lot of nudists would agree, if they were being honest). It just isn't fair to lump those who appreciate beauty in with those who would seek to abuse and exploit it. But if that makes me a villain, then we might as well just burn this whole twisted world to the ground. For - to paraphrase George R. R. Martin - only a monster god would give a man eyes and tell him he must forever keep them shut, and never look at all the beauty in the world.

Naked Beauty Therapy

I had been reviewing some photos I'd taken naked in the woods recently - thinking about the power of the effect of seeing an attractive body fully naked in the midst of a landscape, whether natural or manmade. That "wow" factor elicited by the starkness of the nudity, placed matter-of-factly into the context of our day-to-day lives - it's one of my favorite things in the world, and it's a large part of the reason I continue to shoot nude photography.

Then I was standing at the window, looking out at the lush greenery of the grass growing wild in the early spring, and I thought back to a time last summer when I had the pleasure of waking up at camp, and taking some pictures fully naked in the bright morning sunshine, at the edge of a wide, open field. And I got to thinking.

It's difficult to find people with which to celebrate the beauty of the human body. Join the perverts, and they'll want to make everything about sex (and anyway, what you're willing to do counts more than how you look). Join the nudists, and they'll scold you for rationing beauty (while insisting that fat, old bodies are as beautiful as young, trim ones). Isn't there a middle ground?

Where do I sign up to join a retreat where you get to hang out with beautiful naked people, in a way that's respectful, yet honest and life-affirming? What a salve for the soul that would be. I'd pay good money for that experience. Nudism can be that in its best moments, but it's always left up to chance, and you risk being ostracized if you dare admit that you enjoy the view.

I understand why perverts have to hide from nudists, but why do I have to hide from nudists the thing that distinguishes me from the perverts? It's like, on the scale of erotic aestheticism, I'm too focused on attractiveness to be a nudist, but not focused enough on sex to be a pervert. I don't belong anywhere.

If I had any power or influence or money or charisma, I'd open a naked beauty therapy (NBT) resort. I'd hire attractive people to walk around, hang out, and socialize with guests fully naked (guests could be naked, too). While it wouldn't be the focus, photography would be permitted, but only if done openly and with consent of the participants (this would be something I'd look for when hiring). However, people wouldn't be made to feel dirty just for asking.

Why can't such a place exist? Would it just devolve into a sex resort? Why, then, am I so hung up on creating a fantasy that's unrealistic? And why don't I get to have nice things, just because other people would break them? Would I feel differently if I'd had different experiences in my life - like, if I felt capable of initiating intimate relationships with attractive people I meet? Why should I be punished, by my own mind, for not sleeping around? What kind of programming is that?

I wish someday somebody could come along and give me some answers to the questions that have plagued me all my life. I wish life actually had a meaning and an order that we could discern, instead of being arbitrary, and open to interpretation. I wish I didn't live in a society that felt oppressive in spite of its freedoms, made up of barely-intelligent apes who are all too easily exploited and manipulated by the corrupt overlords at the top, for the benefit of the few at the cost of the many. I wish I didn't have a condition that causes even the things I enjoy to stress me out. And I wish I didn't have such eccentric tastes, so I could more easily find people to share them with, and enjoy them without feeling guilty about it.

More than anything, I think I'm just tired of suffering for no good reason at all. If there were such a thing as mercy, I never would have existed in the first place. No, that's selfish. I know I make [a very few] people happy by being here. Is it wrong for me to resent having to suffer for the pleasure of others? I just don't understand why it's wrong for me to ask for something in return. I can't even ask for what I want in life, let alone have the means to acquire it. I've even spent years solidifying my reputation, and searching for alternatives to simply asking attractive people to let me see them naked.

Weirdly, even online, it's hard to find attractive people who want to be seen naked - real people that don't feel marketed as a commercial product to be consumed impersonally. It's like the entire world has a vendetta against beauty, because every time I catch a glimpse of it, overbearing forces are hot on its heels, ready to snuff it out. Religious conservatives condemn the sin of lust, while liberal feminists decry the objectifying 'male gaze'.

I can't seek a purpose in fighting for revolution because I don't even have a side. There's no army to join. I'm alone, and if I were to rise up, I would be squashed like a fly caught between the jaws of a vise. So I have to hide myself, like I have to hide my body, my beauty, my passion, my joy, and pretend to be something else. But why? There's no reward at the end of it all. What is it all for? What horrid thing did I do in my previous life, and why do I deserve this punishment if I can't even remember what it was?