Pool Rules

or Swimsuit Sexism vs. a Free Body Culture

Preface: With Memorial Day just around the corner (and therefore the start of the summer season), I've had swimsuits once again on my mind. I probably sound like a broken record at this point, but I'm going to keep bringing this up until the culture changes (if it ever does). If you're annoyed of hearing about it, just know that I'm annoyed coming up against the same limitations to my freedom year after year after year. It's tiring, I know. That's the point. But if you want to shut me up, then change the culture. If you won't give me freedom, then at least give me equality.

Pool Day vs. Lake Day

Sexism is...

1) equating briefs on a man to a thong on a woman (because we're used to seeing more of women's bodies, I suppose),

2) outlawing both at the pool, yet

3) permitting young girls to habitually wear thongs without fanfare, while

4) any man appearing in a brief is singled out and censured, and

5) assumed to be a pervert or, worse, a sexual predator - because

6) the pool is a "family-friendly" environment.

Like, in what universe is a man dressed in what is considered appropriate for the Olympics more of a threat to the innocence of children than those selfsame children wearing thongs?

Not that I want to police anybody's wardrobe. As a nudist and a civilized human being, I believe that we should all be able to swim naked without incident.

The general public is unfortunately far from being capable of realizing that possibility, but we should at least write our rules in a way that treats the sexes as equal, and not assume that a man's character can be judged by what he's wearing.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm giving humanity way too much credit. We're illogical, superstitious animals. I just can't figure out how I managed to get stuck in the middle of this terrestrial zoo...

actual photograph (emphasis added)

Evaluation: Let's take a closer look at the very rule that is frequently the bane of my summer plans. At face value, it would seem that these restrictions are being applied equally to both sexes, but there is one important exception - men's "Speedos". Yes, men and women both are prohibited from wearing thongs. But consider that I've seen women wear thongs without fanfare, and you would absolutely NOT get away with it if you were a man. That rule is primarily directed at women - even without explicitly saying so - because it's the limit (despite not being enforced) on how little they can wear. If men can't even wear "Speedos", then clearly thongs are out of the question for them; that goes without saying.

Now, when I say that I've seen women (including underage teens) wearing thongs, I'm not talking about completely brazen g strings. But that doesn't mean when I say "thongs", that I don't mean "thongs". Women have a lot more variety in their swimsuits than men, and there are a lot of different styles of bikini bottoms that offer a wide range of coverage - both in the front and back. And for those young women who are interested (and they are out there), there are options that have gotten progressively closer to what we traditionally call a thong. I've even witnessed teenage girls intentionally giving themselves wedgies to create the appearance of a thong. And nobody bats an eyelash. This is part of our culture.

Again, I'm not concerned about it - I'm just jealous that these young girls can get away with so much, when it feels like as a biological male, my options are so much more limited. Yeah, it's a switch from the way things usually go, but this is something that actually matters to me. I'm not interested in being a CEO. I support women being paid as much (if not more) as men. I just want to wear the same kind of swimsuits women can wear. Or at least, a fair equivalent, given our differences in anatomy. It's just so much easier to be a [person who enjoys confidently showing off their body]* as a woman, because these kinds of women are celebrated, while these kinds of men are reviled.**

*There's a much simpler word for this, but I hesitate to use it because it's dripping with unwarranted stigma.

**While it's true that body-confident women do tend to get some blowback, and that men's bodies are frequently sexualized from the waist up, the culture nevertheless normalizes a higher percentage of exposure of women's bodies, while casting disproportionate shade on any suggestion of the male anatomy, due to a misandrist perspective (I would say homophobic, but women join in too - it's really more generally androphobic) on anything associated with male sexuality. If you think my hypothesis is flawed, I would love to hear an alternate explanation for why skimpy bikinis are not just more popular (a matter of personal choice), but less ridiculed (condemning other people's choices) in American culture than men's swim briefs are. Please, let me know.

Getting back to our evaluation of the posted pool rule, men can effectively ignore the prohibition on thongs, because they can't even wear "Speedos", which provide considerably more coverage. And women can certainly ignore the prohibition on "Speedos", not just because they're called men's "Speedos", but because it makes absolutely no sense to prevent a woman from wearing "Speedos", when every single bikini bottom (and every single one piece, for that matter - if we focus on where the legs meet the torso) provides as little or - in most cases - less coverage than a typical men's "Speedo".

Even the fuller coverage bikini bottoms that are marketed to small children offer no more coverage than a typical Speedo-brand swim brief. I know this, because sometimes I buy them in XL so I can have something feminine to wear that still provides the adequate "support" that most adult women's bikini bottoms lack (because they're so skimpy). So, this rule about "Speedos" clearly applies just to men and not women. (We'll just gloss over the fact that the Speedo brand makes other kinds of swimsuits beside the swim briefs they're known for, or the fact that women's "Speedos" usually refer to fairly more modest one piece swimsuits, because most people use the term to refer to the style and not the brand). So you see, although the rule superficially appears to ignore a person's sex, in effect, it actually does provide different rules for the different sexes.

As a final disclaimer, I should confess that I haven't actually tried wearing swim briefs to this particular pool, or ever seen another man do so (as if anybody else in this culture would want to). So I'm only speculating on what would happen. I could be wrong. Clearly, the staff is fairly permissive, given the number of thongs and see-through-when-wet swimsuits I've stood behind on the stairs waiting in line for the water slide (and again, I'm not complaining :-p). I've worn swim briefs just about everywhere else, including public pools with less explicit dress codes. I do tend to stand out and draw a lot of attention - because, even more so than a young girl in a thong, it's not something most people are used to seeing.

Maybe that's the worst that would happen. I'm pretty brave when it comes to these sorts of things, but the truth is, when there's an explicit rule forbidding something, I'm scared to break that rule. I like to push the boundaries, but I don't want people to see me as somebody who doesn't respect the social order. I just want a social order that includes - rather than excludes - me. Especially because most times when I go to the pool, I'm not looking to make a political statement at the risk of expulsion; I'm there with family and I just want to have a good time. And in defense of my claim that what I'd like to wear isn't threatening to a "family-friendly" environment, the kids in my family are always begging me to take them to the lake, where I usually wear a swim brief or even a bikini, and they accept it without issue. In fact, they're very supportive of me. One of them has even made it a habit to go shopping with me to pick out matching bikinis. Nobody thinks twice when a woman does this. Why should I be treated differently, based on what could be considered an accident of birth - my anatomy?

I'm grateful for the level of acceptance I get within my own family - it really means the world to me. But it all comes down to the fact that I'm literally unique. I don't know a single other person who is like me. (Consider that time I went to a large water park in a big city, and I was literally the only guy wearing a swim brief, and I actually witnessed one girl averting her eyes, despite wearing a barely-there bikini herself). So I'm all alone in that respect. I want to push the boundaries, but I'm also scared to be alone out there on the front lines. If I had some friends like me, a community to draw courage from, to support me if I come under fire from a conservative majority, things might be different.

You don't know how hard it is for a man to find acceptable swimwear if he really doesn't like the only style men in this culture are expected to wear - the dreadfully baggy "board short". I can't just swing by the mall and be drowned in options like women are. I have to order stuff online from fetish shops (because they're the only ones in the market for skimpy men's swimwear) at premium prices, and hope that I estimated the fit of the Chinese sizing accurately (spoiler: I didn't). I'm not trying to wage a war on everything you consider holy. I'm just trying to live my life authentically, and pursue the things that make me happy. Human diversity is larger than the neat little boxes we've constructed to contextualize everything we encounter. And people on the fringes deserve respect and happiness as much as you do. I don't want to make you uncomfortable; but I also don't want to be uncomfortable. I want to wear what I'm comfortable wearing. And not have people assume that my body is a weapon, when I have no desire to use it as one. Isn't that what we're supposed to be able to do in a free country?

What was the point of Memorial Day again? To celebrate the freedoms we've gained thanks to those who made the ultimate sacrifice? You can go ahead and make a show of saluting the flag. It's easy enough to do, and requires no test of conviction. But it doesn't mean a damn thing if you turn around and continue to oppress your fellow citizens - especially the disadvantaged ones. And I'm sorry if I sound cynical, and seem unappreciative, but it bothers the spirit of justice within me to know that the more likely a person is to pay lip service to the murderous military-industrial complex, the more likely they are to be an active contributor to the erosion of the very freedoms the sacrifices we're honoring were made to protect. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't want to associate myself with that crowd.