Principles in Practice

I recently stumbled upon this video, which I have actually seen before. In the video, a young female student decides to "experiment" with nudism after reading a positive article about it in a magazine. At the beginning of the video, she makes the necessary disclaimer that it is not meant to be a "sexy" video, but a serious one (although there is obviously some humor in the video, so I'm not sure how serious it's meant to be taken). And the video is recorded strictly from the shoulders up, so it's not the least bit prurient.

Still, at least to my eyes, this is clearly a very attractive young woman - and she's naked! I can't help being excited by that thought, and I don't feel ashamed to admit it. The video would still have merit if it were recorded by an old naked guy, in terms of being a nudist experiment, but it would lose the charm of being recorded by an attractive young woman. That "charm" is not connected to the nudism. Does it interfere with the nudism? I think there are many who would make that argument, but I disagree.

It's true that people confuse sex and nudism quite a lot, and that has a tendency to harm nudism (and by extension, nudists) in the public eye. But it's also true that people have very low opinions of sex and sexuality and sexual feelings and sexual desire. The fact that I am attracted to the young woman in the video does not blind me to the [non-sexual] merits of nudism. My spirits are brightened by her attractiveness, my mood is lightened, and I have a better time watching the video than I would were it recorded by an ugly old man. I am not reduced to an unthinking animal, either, just by being presented an attractive face - or, in a hypothetical different case, an attractive body. I can admire attractiveness, while retaining my humanity and reasoning faculties.

For this reason, I don't think beautiful people are antithetical to nudism. Nor are sexual feelings in complete opposition to nudism. Nudism is not about sex, and not all nudists are magazine models, so these things should certainly not define nudism, but I feel no reason to exclude them from nudism, either. So although this is not meant to be a "sexy" video, I think part of its appeal is related to "sexiness", but in a very different manner than a pornographic video would be. I think this is a distinction we should acknowledge, because only then can we accept my vision of sensuality without falling into the trap of no-holds-barred animal sexuality. It doesn't have to be either porn or "dry", it is allowed to exist somewhere in between. Life is sensual, and sexual feelings are everywhere - that doesn't mean they should always be accompanied by sex in its strict definition. We can be turned on without being turned loose, and that's something we should allow ourselves to admit.

[Digression: It's true that there are some people who behave inappropriately - if they see an attractive woman, they'll make a rude comment, or worse. And this will in turn encourage the woman to view any form of sexualized attention as a bane. The result being that they will be less likely to show off for others (a loss for everyone), and that if anyone does acknowledge their feelings, even in a polite manner, she'll be more inclined to view it as a negative thing. This is how sex negativity digs its roots in. Negative sexual behaviors are generalized to sexuality - blaming the attraction and not the rudeness - and thus positive sexual behaviors are marginalized. The side effect of this attitude is that it encourages more negative sexual behavior and discourages positive sexual behavior simply as a result of expectation - if "all sex is bad", then any sex that occurs is labeled bad. And even good sex will begin to take on a reputation as being bad. And without that distinction between good behavior and bad behavior, less people will see the importance of staying on the right side of the line. I think part of the solution to this problem is to educate people about sexuality. Teach guys to be open but polite about their sexuality, and teach girls to accept the compliments while they reject the harassment.]

While I'm talking about this video, I might as well analyze the young woman's conclusion. She doesn't have the best things to say about her experience, even though she appears to enjoy it. She says she couldn't relax while being naked, and that it was too cold to do any hard work (she was trying to study while naked because she read that it helps concentration or something similar). This is disappointing because, as a nudist, when a non-nudist decides to "experiment" with nudism, I want their experience to be positive! But anyone, even a nudist, can have a "bad" experience being naked - and one experiment is not always enough to discover the positive effects of being nude.

For one thing, the young woman in the video says that it was too cold. Even as a nudist, there have been times - sitting in my own room, at my computer - when it was just too cold to be naked. I do believe that your tolerance increases the more time you spend nude, but sure, the point of getting naked is not to endure uncomfortable temperatures. This could be fixed with a bump in the thermostat or, as the woman in the video herself speculates, trying it again during the summer.


I noticed that towards the end of the video, judging from the text on the screen, the girl's parents come home, and this prompts her to quickly scrounge for her clothes and get dressed, in order to avoid being "found out". Of course, if you're afraid of getting caught, you're not going to be very relaxed. Some people do get naked for that specific thrill, but nudists generally do not. Nudism is not meant to be a secret sport, and it can be practiced best when there's no threat of being caught, and you can just relax and do your thing.

On the other hand, especially for those who are new to the naked life, just being naked can itself give you a thrill. It's a very sensual experience, considerably for those who are not used to that kind of direct stimulation from the environment, sans clothes. Plus there are certain ideological connotations to taking one's clothes off - the idea of rebelling against society, a symbol of freeing oneself from constraints, and potentially, a feeling of naughtiness for those who still associate disrobing with making love - that contribute to the feeling of excitement that nudity brings. All of this together could make it quite hard to concentrate on doing work, for the newbie. But they can also be examples of the intrinsic joy of being nude. Despite the young woman not recommending her experiment at the end, the final text in the video indicates that she did have fun. So maybe she's not completely unaffected by the merits of nudity. And after all, if it's fun, it ought to be worth trying (and again)!

The Limitations on my Photography

I recently received a comment that while my modeling may be evolving, my photography is static. I think my photography has been constantly improving through experience, and as a model photographer, the line between modeling and photographing is somewhat blended for me (even more so as a self-portrait photographer). However, this comment got me thinking. It's true that there is a lot of repetition in my photography, partly a result of my narrow focus, but also the result of certain limitations that exist for me. I'd like to discuss some of those limitations here in the hopes that I may discover some ways to work around them.

First of all, there are some pretty unique limits on self-portrait photography itself - especially from a photographing perspective - that may be hard to understand if you don't do a lot of it. When you're acting as both the photographer and the model, there are advantages and disadvantages. One advantage is that the photographer and the model are of one mind. A pretty big disadvantage is that you can't physically be behind the camera and in front of it at the same time (except in even more limited circumstances - such as in front of a mirror). So you can set up the shot - but you have to guess how the model will look. And once you get into place, you're shooting blindly.


For this reason I do feel as though I am modeling more than photographing. An easy solution to this is to do other kinds of photography than self-portraiture. I could take pictures of other things, and I have done some of this in the past, but my interest - my passion - is in shooting nude models above all else. So the other option is shooting other models, instead of myself. This would free me up to focus more on being behind the camera than in front of it. This is indeed something I am anxious to try. But there are some personal limitations I have that are making this difficult.

I am not an outgoing person. I am not extraverted, and I am not very social. I have a hard time just meeting new people, let alone asking them to do something (model) for me. On top of all that is the fact that the type of photography I prefer to do (nude portraiture) is very controversial, and thus much less likely to be met with a positive reaction. As if that weren't enough, the type of people I'd want most to photograph are the ones that I think are beautiful, and it just so happens that those people tend to be the ones I am most uncomfortable talking to.


Another limitation somewhat unique to my situation is the fact that I want to photograph the female form, but the only form readily available to me is a male form (my own). I may be exaggerating the difference, but I feel like if I was shooting a model I wanted to shoot, it would be much easier to take pictures I like. Whereas, with a male model, there are certain poses and positions that I think look good, but many others which are just unappealing to me. I could take a photograph of an attractive female sitting on a chair and it could look fantastic on account of the model. But put myself in that chair and it looks terrible. I have experienced this countless times already, trying to mimic shots I like taken by others. The result of this is that I feel constrained to those certain poses and angles that look good, and unable to realize some of my own ideas on account of having an inadequate model. An unintended (but not unwelcome) consequence of this is that I've been feminizing myself more and more over time, to meet my needs.

There are also some limitations that crop up due to the nature of my work, whether I'm photographing myself or other models. When I'm shooting, especially out on location, I'm constantly aware of the risk of getting caught taking nude (and sometimes erotic) pictures. This distracts my attention away from the job at hand. Also, instead of shooting wherever I think would make the best shot, I feel pushed into whatever corners are available where people don't go, in order to avoid exposure - regardless of whether those spots are very photogenic.


One answer to all of this is simply to shoot different kinds of photography. Or let the models (myself or others) keep their clothes on. But again, this is about my passion, and what I want to shoot. There are a billion people out there shooting clothed models and flowers and buildings and street festivals and anything else you can think of - including nude models. But the point of that is, I have to shoot what I feel passionate about, what I feel driven to shoot, or else there's not much point in it for me. So that's why I'll continue to shoot what I love to shoot. In the meantime, it won't be easy, but I'll try to look for alternative solutions to some of these limitations that plague me. A large part of it could just be having the confidence to take the risks necessary to pursue my vision.

Minority Interests: Abnormality?

Society encourages conformity. As a social species, it is in our programming to relate to one another. But diversity is also important, and we should not be quick to judge those who are different as being necessarily "damaged" in some way. I've been "unique" all my life, and had a hard time fitting in, and I'll be the first to say that being "different" is difficult. But there are also advantages, because I think people with different perspectives on the world are an invaluable asset to society.

When I think about my interest in nudism (just to pick one example), I have to question whether it's "normal". Statistically, having an active interest in nudism is rare. However, that interest, to me, feels quite "natural". Is it healthy? I think so, absolutely. And yet, I can't deny the fact that I have an overwhelming interest in being nude, one that sets me apart from the average person. Even among some nudists, I think - the less enthusiastic ones, who were maybe brought into the lifestyle by someone else's fervor, and accepted it as being not unpleasant, or even mildly desirable - still may not be quite as excited about it as I am.

There's a lot to be said for social conditioning, and modern customs. These days, nudity seems to draw a lot of attention, not all of which is positive. Though people may admit that nudity itself can be "natural" (most people don't shower with their clothes on, for example), there's some silly idea going around that you're not supposed to see other people naked, or let other people see you naked, except for specific exceptions. But imagine a world where we didn't have that hangup.

Think about it, most people wouldn't wear pajamas to school (on the other hand, some do, on occasion - and get away with it), and you don't get to see most people you encounter in life in pajamas. And yet, when the situation arises - say, a sleepover with friends, or visiting somebody's house in the morning, or on a trip with someone - and you get to see a person in pajamas, it may be, at most, a little bit awkward for one or both parties, but it's really not a big deal.

And few people in their right minds would wear a swimsuit to a business meeting, because it's just not appropriate according to the rules of business meetings, but do you see anyone (again: in their right mind) complaining about all the exposed flesh at the beach or local swimming pool? So how come, of all outfits, the birthday suit gets so much flak? There may be some facilities with communal showering where people (of the same sex only, you'll note) are more or less comfortable showering naked in front of others, but even that seems to be rare these days.


Imagine a world where we all grew up swimming nude and sleeping nude, and learned that nudity is just another form of casual dress. It doesn't necessarily mean you'd have naked people serving you lunch, or that you'd find yourself crammed into an elevator with several large, naked men (or any other naked nightmares you might conjure up). But if somebody was out on a warm day enjoying the weather naked, nobody would bat an eyelash; and if you rang someone's door and they answered it naked, it wouldn't be a big deal. Much of it is dependent on social programming.

And yet, my interest in nudity goes beyond the practical advantages of it. It tickles a part of my soul. It touches me on a profound level. It has meaning for me. So I might push harder and farther than most people would, even in a more nudity-tolerant society. And that makes me different. That makes me stand out. But it doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with me. I wish more people, when they come across something they're not familiar with, would take the time to say, "hey, that's interesting", instead of so quickly writing it off as weird and dangerous and "ew, make it stop."

Nudism and Photography

Do nudist families have photo albums? Imagine what they're missing!


In my experience, nudist assemblies frequently have a strict no-photography policy, except where officially sanctioned by whoever is in charge (and with the consent of the group). This is due largely to two reasons - privacy, and perversion - which are actually not completely unrelated. Customs may be different in other parts of the world - and indeed, I hope that they are, for though I see the reasoning behind this policy, I lament that it is deemed necessary. After all, I am a photographer and a nudist, and a photographer of nudism, and I hate to see that wedge stuck in there between them.

Nudity is a sensitive issue. While it's true that nudists generally have a healthy attitude towards nudity, they can't be expected to control the rest of the world's reaction to nudity (although it'd be great if they could - imagine the loss of hangups!). So their collective fear of photography is based less on not wanting to be photographed nude (although this ultimately depends on the person) and more on the fear of how others (i.e., non-nudists) would react to seeing a photo of them nude.

The first issue I mentioned is privacy. Not every nudist is "out" about their nudism to their friends, families, and coworkers. Because nudism is frequently misunderstood, and some people jump too quickly to conclusions and take too much effort to be reassured, it may in some cases be easier just to keep one's nudism a secret. Otherwise, you could lose friends, fall out with family members, or even find your job security at risk. Otherwise, nudism can be an embarrassing subject to broach, and admitting one's involvement in the lifestyle could be a setup for mockery. Now, this could be true of any number of hobbies, but precisely because nudity (and thus, nudism) is frequently confused with sexuality - the Prime Evil of Modern Society - extra care is taken with privacy.

This feeds into the second issue: perversion. The line between sex and nudity is a tricky one to navigate; they are not inherently inseparable, though they overlap in many cases. It's impossible to put them in entirely separate containers, and yet identifying the distinction between them is important, if not simply because it exists, then because "purifying" nudity is an imperative in the quest to garner mainstream acceptance from a society that rues sexuality. Nevertheless, there are people who will continue to make the mistake of sexualizing nudism, and many nudists are afraid that "innocent" nude pictures may somehow fall into the hands of perverts who will use them for perverted purposes (what else?).

This doesn't bother me, personally, because I don't believe any harm is done when a pervert "pervs" on a picture. Even if one were to concede that their sex act was "unholy" in some way (which I would disagree with), it's superstitious to think that an act of perversion "stains" not only the picture that is being perved on, but also the subject in that picture by extension (via "spooky action at a distance", I presume). I say, what you don't know can't hurt you (in this instance), and let pervs be pervs, as long as they're doing it in private and not actually hassling you. But of course, my perspective is in the minority, and most people don't want naked pictures of themselves floating about the internet, outside of their control (am I right?).

If you ask me, the solution to this is more exposure. More pictures floating about the internet. If everybody had a naked picture of themselves on the internet being perved on by pervs, nobody would care anymore. We'd learn to just ignore it, because we'd realize it doesn't really matter. And the more people who are open about nudism, the more accepted it will be, because it will be harder to silence and to marginalize. Of course, asking one person to embrace this strategy is dangerous because the risks still exist as long as he's the only one. But if we all followed this philosophy, we could stand strong, together, and we wouldn't have to tolerate the way we're treated anymore.

But then, I don't believe in coercion - forcing people to do one thing or another, whether by force or forceful persuasion - regardless of the merits. So I ain't gonna make you do it, I'm only telling you why I think it's a good idea. In the meantime, I'm gonna keep on telling the truth, hoping that my voice (and my body, and my soul) doesn't get crushed along the way. I'll respect the rules, but I'll be on the lookout for opportunities to make my statement where I can.

And in the end, I am a photographer: when I see beauty, I feel compelled to capture it for posterity. I lament when other people's hangups cause some of that beauty to be relegated to obscurity.

Fragmentation

As a male who likes to identify more with females, and yet is still more attracted (sexually) to females than to males, I feel like there should not only be a split between biological sex and psychological gender, but also between what sex/gender one identifies as, and what sex/gender one is attracted to. The terms "straight" and "gay", and even their more technical counterparts - heterosexual and homosexual - imply two things: what a person is and what that person is attracted to. Being attracted to "the same sex/gender you are" or "the opposite sex/gender as you" is all fine and dandy when we assume that there are just two easily defined sexes/genders. But for someone whose identity is more fluid and/or confused, those terms fall short.

Here's a question for you, if a guy has an operation to become a girl, and likes guys, is s/he straight or gay? Your answer will betray your opinion on trans-sexuality. But what about transgendered people who don't change their sex? Let's say, for example, a guy who thinks he's a girl, but keeps his guy body. If he likes girls, is he straight because he's got a guy's body, or gay because he's got a girl's mind? If he likes guys, is that gay or straight? It's not so clear-cut.

I'm gonna leave those questions open and switch gears a little bit. Keeping with the general theme, I'm aware of a disconnect between a) what I like and what I do, and b) my audience and who I am a fan of. This is all in relation to my work as a photographer. I shoot male nudes for the sake of convenience, when really I'm interested in female nudes (and non-nudes). My artistic goal is to shoot beauty, and yet what I see as beauty isn't what I'm shooting.


Granted, I do like the work that I do, and I think there is beauty in it. But, to put it one way, it's not my first choice. Inevitably, I get pigeonholed as an artist who works with male erotica. But I'm not interested in male erotica. So the people who like my work, and produce similar work, are outside my sphere of interest. On the other hand, I like artists who capture feminine beauty, yet I do not produce works depicting (true) feminine beauty. The result is that I'm not generally a fan of my fans (but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate them), and the people I am a fan of aren't fans of me.

It's kind of frustrating because I don't get the kind of feedback and community participation I'd like to have, because the community that would accept me doesn't interest me, and the community that interests me won't seem to accept me. The only solution is to start shooting models. Which is something I've wanted to do. But I'm having trouble finding them. Because, you know, I don't have the kind of community access I want. You've got to know people, and I'm a loner. I'm willing to take suggestions.

About Me

This is a repost of a brief bio I had in my flickr profile for quite awhile. I'm taking it off because some people get worked up even by the mere mention of pornography. But I rather like how it was written, so I'm saving it here, for posterity.

About me: I am an unschooled photographer propelled by a singular vision of beauty that inspires me. I have a deep fascination with the symbolism and aesthetics of nudity, and the natural power of eroticism. I am very much pro-sex, but while I support and encourage pornography and its positive effects when produced and consumed responsibly, I also believe strongly that there is a significant distinction to be made between pornography and erotica, the latter which inspires me more greatly. Whereas pornography aims to appeal to the sexual interest (and this is certainly no evil) by whatever means necessary, erotica, on the other hand, represents a more careful, constructed, and artistic appeal to that interest, while simultaneously appealing to other interests such as beauty, romance, longing, desire, mystery, and all of the traditional artistic compositional elements. For this reason, I believe that, though pornography has its uses as well as its values, erotica is altogether a more interesting venue for a more complex expression of everything sexuality encompasses.

My aim is to produce art that both inflames one's primal sexual desire, whilst simultaneously appealing to the subtle and more "civilized" aesthetic of artistic beauty; in short, my goal is to produce an erotic portrait you would be proud to hang on the wall in your living room (provided you have a sex-positive mindset).

As a social outcast (I spurn tradition and have a habit of questioning things most people take for granted), my access to any sort of artistic "community", or the included resources, is limited. I despise paradigms, including that of the modeling industry, as well as the popular notion of what constitutes "beauty". Not to say that I have an altogether "alternative" approach to beauty - from a certain perspective you might even say my approach is "classical" - but that I place considerable importance on "natural", rather than "artificial", beauty.

My resources being limited, I have thus far only had access to myself to use as a model, explaining the exclusive prevalence of self-portraits among my work. However, I hope someday to find a model in tune with my artistic vision, as it is the vision of feminine beauty that inspires me - rendering myself (while somewhat effeminate, ultimately too masculine) as merely an opportunistic substitute for what I truly desire to photograph. To that end, I am rather interested in those women who are sexually empowered, immodest about being seen naked, and mindful of the distinction (previously explained) between pornography and the altogether more fulfilling (and more flattering) avenue of artistic erotica. Should I ever have a chance to work with such a woman, it would be one of my dreams come true.

Scenario

(Entirely hypothetical)

Girl posts provocative self-portraits online. Claims they are "artsy". Posts anti-pornography disclaimer in her profile.

Guy posts provocative self-portraits online. Claims they are "artsy". Does not openly denounce pornography in his profile.

Guy admires girl's portraits, thinking they have a lot in common. Girl blocks guy in disgust.

Hypocrisy? Double standards?