#30 Days of Pride (A Retrospective)

This year, in response to the troubling news I've been hearing out of the south, I decided to spend the month of June celebrating trans pride, and expressing my own gender non-conforming identity, by posting my thoughts and opinions on subjects related to gender daily on Twitter, accompanied by self-portrait images I've taken over the years. For the sake of posterity (once again), and because it's probably easier to read them together as a blog post than separate, scattered tweets, I'm copying them here. I also added, like, a bunch of extra images, because I had way more that I liked than I was able to share in the end.

#30daysofpride

As much as I love being naked, I also have a passion for fashion. It's a way for me to express my feminine identity, and demonstrate that cross-dressing is a fashion statement, not a punchline. That's why every day this June, I'll be sharing my transgender pride.

Cross-dressing is a fashion statement, not a punchline. I hate that our culture teaches budding transgender individuals that the best "a man in women's clothes" can look is either hilarious or repulsive. It's time to flip the script.

I've had women tell me I look better wearing the clothes they've given me than they did! I may not have curves in the same places, but we all fit clothes differently. There's nothing stopping either sex from dressing feminine and looking good - unironically.

In truth, I have mixed feelings about the term "cross-dressing", because it makes it sound like a costume I'm putting on, or something I only do on the weekends, or in the bedroom. This is my day-to-day wardrobe. These aren't women's clothes, they're MY clothes.

On the other hand, I don't fit the conventional stereotype of being "born in the wrong body". But transgender is an umbrella. Not only are we all on different parts of our journey, some of us are on different journeys altogether. We can still support one another.

Honestly, I started growing my hair out as a teenager due to laziness. I kept it long because I was into the music scene from the '60s and '70s and it jibed with the fashion from that era. Later, it became an asset when I started experimenting with gender.

I struggle with the terms gay and straight because in my mind, sex and gender are perpendicular axes that are conflated merely because they happen to align in a majority of cases. I enjoy heterosex, but "straight male" doesn't begin to convey my unconventionality.

I call these my ruby slippers. I love getting a new pair of shoes, but I think the obsession is more about the role of coordination and variation in women's fashion. When I dressed like a guy, all I ever wore was jeans and tennis shoes and a different t-shirt.

From certain angles, I look feminine even naked. From the start, I've always tried to imitate female models in my photography. Over the years, I've had lots of NUDE self-portraits invited to galleries that exclusively feature women. It tickles me pink every time.

For gender-conforming individuals (whether cis or trans), the bathroom debate is moot. It's the unconventional non-binary and genderfluid folk who are most affected. I don't enjoy having an identity crisis every time I need to use a public restroom.

I like dressing up. I have two closets, and one of them is filled with formal dresses. But I never have an excuse to wear them. I wore a tuxedo to my senior prom, but I wish I could go back and do it again. I would wear the most dazzling dress.

The first piece of women's clothing I ever wore was my girlfriend's panties in high school (yes, I asked first). Women's clothing IS sexualized - and it's sexy. But that doesn't mean you can reduce a cross-dresser's interest in fashion to a sexual fetish.

I don't know why people conflate gender presentation with sexual orientation, unless it's just holdover gay stereotypes. I've adopted a feminine persona not to attract men (although it does), but because I like girls SO much, I want to BE one.

Bikinis are my favorite clothes. I envy girls' ability to wear them, and the double standard against guys who wear skimpy swimsuits. Bikinis can look good on me, but for swimming, the top never stays in place, and the bottom leaves nothing to the imagination.

I hesitated the first time I shaved my legs, because I thought they would still be too masculine. But I was wrong. I've never regretted it, and I've never gone back in twelve years. There are small things you can do that go a long way in communicating gender.

I don't relate to the term "androgynous". In my head, it means an inscrutable blend of characteristics, or a juxtaposition of extremes. I can't avoid having some masculine features, but my compass is strongly oriented towards the feminine.

My perspective may be a little skewed, but my definition of "femininity" doesn't depend on anatomy. Long, curly hair and pink, frilly panties looks girly to me. It doesn't matter that I don't have breasts, or that there's a bulge in my panties. Sex =/= gender.

Ballet, cheer, gymnastics - these are stereotypically feminine activities. But while men do perform them, their costumes and roles are different. Were I to participate, I wouldn't want to be a "ballerino", I'd want to wear a pink tutu and be one of the girls!

I don't want to abolish gender, I just want to make it optional. Associating girls with pink sparkles is fine, so long as you're not forced to be a "girl" (or barred from it) based on your anatomy. It's about choice. Gender is in your brain, not your genitals.

I think "gender reveal" parties are stupid and transphobic. It's impossible to tell whether a baby is a boy or a girl until they've grown up enough to decide for themselves. I'm not talking about their anatomical sex, I'm talking about their GENDER.

Sundresses and flip flops, short shorts and crop tops, bikinis and photo ops. Summer is my favorite season for fashion. In my opinion, the best clothes are the ones that show off the body (the skimpier the better!), not the ones that cover it up.

Pronouns don't define me. They're just a tool. I mainly use masculine ones, because it's what I grew up with; it's what's most familiar. And I don't want to be accused of "appropriating". But it really depends on how I'm presenting on any given day.

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" Can't tell you how many times a guy has expressed interest in me, knowing that I have male anatomy, while identifying himself as straight. I think some people are just more attracted to gender than sex.

Some men are so terrified of their own anatomy, they think the "trans agenda" is designed to trick them into dating a girl with a penis. It's not. You can acknowledge the reality of anatomical sex without that automatically making you "gender critical".

I believe that transwomen are women. But there are different kinds of women, and a person who grows up with a penis isn't going to have the same life experiences as a person who grows up with a vagina. That doesn't make them "less", it just makes them different.

Not wanting to have sex with a woman who has a penis doesn't make you transphobic - it's using your insecurities to deny and harm trans people that makes you transphobic. People deserve dignity and liberty independent of whether you would have sex with them.

I can't get past the double standard by which you'll see women dress in men's clothes and it's become so common and accepted that it's not even called "cross-dressing". But the instant a man puts on a skirt or heels, he's like an alien from another planet.

People complain about the "sexualization" of women's Halloween costumes. Sexy costumes aren't the problem - a lot of people like them. The issue is the expectation tied to gender. But there's nothing stopping women from shopping in the men's department.

Sometimes it feels like the truest girls anymore are the trans-girls. I see so many GGs disavowing feminine stereotypes. Which, more power to them, but I LIKE the female gender. TGs are better at slaying femininity because they know what boys like.

Sometimes I wonder how much of progress is bright minds uncovering the staggering complexity of life, obstructed by the frustration/resentment of the rest of the population too dumb to wrap their minds around why their oversimplified approximations are inadequate.

Things Nudists Say That Make Me Groan

(I should turn this into a series)

"I don't even own a swimsuit."

Look, I understand the feeling of frustration that comes from being in a situation where you're forced to wear clothes when you'd rather be nude. Believe me, I get that feeling a lot (the most recent time being today). Mostly at home, when I feel like I should have the right to be comfortable. And outdoors, when I'm surrounded by nature. But I don't hate clothing. I actually appreciate and enjoy fashion. I'm just still more comfortable naked.

And I get it. Recreational swimming is among those activities where clothing is the most unnecessary - and a nuisance. I prefer swimming naked. But the worst part isn't even the swimming, it's after. Nothing dries faster than skin. It amazes me the way textiles force themselves to linger in wet clothing (even swimsuits take time to dry, especially while still being worn), not even comfortable enough to sit naked beneath a towel for fifteen minutes before changing into dry clothes. They might even put their dry clothes on over top of their wet swimsuits! It's insane. And, in my opinion, torture.

But that's being in wet clothes outside of the water. Now, if I had to wear normal clothes in the water - like the historical, full-bodied "bathing costume" - yeah, I'd be outraged, too. Hell, if I even had to wear what constitutes a typical men's swimsuit in this country - those bulky, knee-length board shorts - I might even become one of those insufferable nudists who refuses to swim in/own a swimsuit. But there are other options. Women have it better than men, with their skimpy, skin-tight bikinis, and Europeans have it better than Americans, with briefs being accepted (even expected) swimming attire for men.

I wear swim briefs, too, whenever I can get away with it. This works best at natural watering holes where rules are lax and people may be more spread out, as opposed to pools that charge for entry and post up all sorts of guidelines. But even when I go to a pool that has an explicit "no Speedos" policy (yeah, this exists), I have a pair of swim shorts that's about as skimpy as you can get while still appearing as "shorts" and not a brief. It was hard to find, and expensive, and I still don't like it as much as my swim briefs. But it's a pretty satisfactory compromise.

Ideal scenario? I like to visit the lake, by myself (or in tolerant company), so I can swim nude. But here's the catch. Most nudists don't live in isolated nudist paradises. Even if we visit them from time to time, we still live largely in the textile world. We also have textile friends and family. For a nudist to say "I don't own a swimsuit", they're really saying one of two things (assuming they're not averse to swimming - there was a period in my life when I didn't own a swimsuit, and it was because I never went swimming; I wasn't even a nudist back then). Either they're an isolated loner, with no friends or family who have ever requested their company on a summer trip to the pool. Or they're the type of insufferable nudist that is so adamant about their nudism, that they would rather stay home alone (or go off on their own), while the people who love them are out having fun together - without them.

So, as a nudist, I get the frustration with having to wear clothes. But for all that nudists say how utterly pointless swimsuits are, they are actually my number one favorite form of clothing, and the one I least resent having to wear. Why? Not only because it's the closest I can get to being naked around people outside of the nudist lifestyle (so, like, the best compromise between being undressed but still hanging out with your non-nudist friends and family), but because it's the closest textiles come to social nude recreation without even realizing it. And seeing those people - textiles - behaving almost as nudists do, lounging and recreating with the bare minimum of their bodies covered, and not even making a fuss of it (for the most part), is great! Is there some hypocrisy involved that could be frustrating for a nudist to dwell on? Sure. But we don't live in a perfect world, and I think it's a pretty great compromise.

At the end of the day, I'd rather swim in good company with 5% of my body covered, than exclude myself from the people I love in order to expose that last 5%. But here's the most important factor: I can do both. I can take all the opportunities I find (and believe me, I do) to go skinny dipping alone or with the few people I know who get nudism, and STILL go out with the family to the pool on the weekend and have fun in the sun. It's the best of both worlds. But I couldn't do that if I didn't own a swimsuit.

Nudism, Voyeurism, and Sexualized Nudity

I talk a lot about nudism and exhibitionism, but what about voyeurism? After all, voyeurism is just the flip side of exhibitionism. I've said before that nudism and voyeurism have a naturally symbiotic relationship - pairing people who like to be naked with people who like to see people naked. But that pisses a lot of nudists off (not entirely unjustly, to be fair), because looking misses the point of nudism, and being looked at can easily make people uncomfortable. The relationship often becomes parasitic, when in my view, it should be commensalistic - which means that one party benefits while the other is neither helped nor harmed. Although the relationship could easily become mutualistic by offering a financial incentive to enterprising nudists.

I recognize that our culture has an issue with over-sexualizing nudity. People shouldn't assume that an instance of nudity has a sexual context, and nude recreation shouldn't be treated as a sex act. But you can accept that fact, and still acknowledge that human beings (especially in a textile society) have a sexual curiosity about the human body. I argue that it's possible to recognize that nudism is non-sexual, but still take advantage of the erotic potential of seeing naked human bodies - especially in action, or in novel situations, or engaged in visually interesting activities (such as athletics).

This is most practical where a degree of separation distances the erotic appreciation from the nudist activity, to avoid giving that nudist activity a sexual context as it is occurring. The best way to create this separation is through video or photographic recording - which nudists are unfortunately allergic to. Speaking purely hypothetically, I could imagine a nudist resort rigged with a live web feed (visitors would of course be informed, and provide consent before being recorded), in a kind of nude version of a Big Brother-type reality show. This strategy raises two potential issues, however.

One is whether the nudist "models" understand the purpose (or potential) of their being recorded. If they don't, this raises ethical concerns. But if they do, then that colors the activity by consciously giving it a sexual context. It is no longer truly nudism. Naturally, it is best to do everything above board, but then we'd be entering the territory of pornography. An argument could be made that where pornography is available, giving non-sexual nudity a sexual context is unnecessary. All I can offer is my own gymnophilic perspective, from which I can find erotic excitement in nudity distinct from its involvement in sexual activity. I think there is value in this kind of "eroticization" of nudity separate from explicit porn. You may disagree, but if as an artist this is a subject I desire to explore with likeminded individuals, then I should have the freedom to do so.

The other issue, which is a possibility (or even likelihood) regardless of the intent of the producers and knowledge of the participants, is that this material will be [mis-]interpreted by third parties as evidence that there IS an unspoken sexual context to nudism. This is collateral damage that I would prefer to avoid, but at the end of the day, you can't be responsible for the misinterpretations of others; all you can do is perform your due diligence in correcting these misinterpretations. I make a conscious effort never to label anything as nudism that is not, and to always clearly define what nudism is. The fact that I depict things other than nudism (some of which involve nudity) shouldn't impact my ability to continue depicting nudism. But this is where I think a lot of "low-hanging fruit" providers of "nudist" material re-marketed as porn fail miserably at respecting the lifestyle they're shamelessly exploiting.

However, the fact that a lot of people do a bad job of this isn't an argument against those who do a good job of it. And while you're not likely to be convinced of this if you're not part of the small minority who enjoys this kind of "erotic non-sexual nudity", the value of presenting it - handled properly by someone with respect for nudism - is worth the risk of misinterpretation that may arise. At least so long as we live in a free country and possess the unalienable right to pursue happiness. All of this is to say that even though the erotic appreciation of nudist media may stand on shaky ground, I am not bothered if people derive erotic enjoyment from the nudist media I produce, so long as they display an adequate understanding of the line between nudism and their sexual fantasies (something about which I have no qualms correcting people - if in a friendly and non-judgmental manner).

As for when other people share images that are not intended, but end up being intrepreted, in a sexual way, I will say the following. I respect the desire to maintain an environment of polite decorum, e.g., in comments, as well as the wishes of the owner in terms of resharing that image in different environments (within the bounds of fair use). That's policing people's behaviors, which is reasonable. But sometimes I see people criticizing others for finding an image sexually appealing in the first place, as if they aren't entitled to their own interpretation. This is attempting to punish people for thoughts and feelings that maybe ought to have been kept private, but that - unlike behavior - a person is not able to prevent oneself from having.

This goes beyond guarding a set of community standards (e.g., preventing unexpected and unsolicited sexual comments), and extends to shaming people - for the crime of experiencing sexual desire. I see this a lot (too much, really) when we talk about inappropriate sexual behaviors. Instead of highlighting the importance of context - when and where and how (or if) it is appropriate to express one's sexual feelings - there is an enormous pressure to make people feel bad for even having those sexual feelings in the first place. That's sex-negative. And it's unethical. Not to mention against the founding principle of this blog. It's like substituting abstinence for proper sex education. Getting turned on isn't a crime. It's what you do next that counts.