Saturday, March 3, 2018


I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse - I imagine it contributes a great deal to my social anxiety - but I have an overactive sense of self-consciousness. Some people might call it narcissism, but it's not that my ego is inflated - I'm actually highly critical of how I present myself to others and the world (which cripples my spontaneity to a considerable degree). The fact of the matter is, I'm very introverted, though not oblivious (quite the contrary) to the existence (and projected thoughts - as I can only imagine them) of the people around me.

As it is - and this is greatly facilitated by the presence of mirrors throughout my living space - I sometimes get a glimpse or a sense of myself, doing whatever it is I'm doing, naked (or, sometimes, appealingly dressed), and consider what it might be like from a third-person perspective. Most people sitting on the floor at a coffee table in front of the TV would focus on the show they're watching, but sometimes my mind wanders to what it might be like if someone else were to be treated to that kind of a scene.

And, naive though I may be, I can only imagine my own delight were I to find myself in that position; the thought that somebody could be scandalized or offended or disgusted is almost inconceivable. I know it's unreasonable to expect that everyone (or at least anything more than a small minority of the population) would like the view, but it goes back to one of my fundamental beliefs in nudism - that seeing a thousand unattractive people naked is worth the one the mere sight of which sets your whole world a-spinning. I lament the fact that the rest of the world's priorities is probably reversed - that they would gladly give up that one vision of euphoria to avoid having to endure the sight of a thousand bodies they find, to a greater or lesser degree, "revolting".

Of course, this image is a first-person perspective, because I was in the middle of a show, and I didn't want to take the time to set up a tripod just then, and it was not a mirror image, but the sight of myself as I looked down at my body, that inspired me to grab my camera and snap a shot...

You can call me crazy if you like, but the thought of me being in that position - not being the viewed (as I am typically represented by my photography) but the viewer, happening upon a scene as innocuous and everyday as sitting in front of the TV, but involving an attractive person lounging in the nude - well, it just delights me to no end. And it is exceedingly rare, unfortunately, as I know few people (none, really) I am both strongly attracted to, and that are, in terms of wardrobe preference and disdain for textile taboos, just like me.

But I have sufficient presence of mind to know that I could be that thing to somebody else, and almost as a way of paying it forward, that's one of the reasons I consider it my duty to be a model, and document myself for the benefit of those that can appreciate it. Because I know that I would want somebody I find attractive to do the same thing (in a perfect world), and it only seems fair.

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