Monday, November 1, 2021

Naked Immunity

Public nudity is often treated in an all-or-nothing way. Maybe there are good reasons for this; after all, I imagine a society that tolerates nudity in some public instances would become desensitized to it and may then be less uptight about it in other instances (which is good).

That said, many who oppose the decriminalization of public nudity (and even some fervent supporters of the concept) tend to fixate on extreme examples of people being bothered by encountering nudity in some fairly illogical places, like shopping malls or fine restaurants or their kid's elementary school.

Whereas I maintain that, on the issue of public nudity, I do not demand carte blanche to be naked absolutely anywhere I feel like (there's a lot of wiggle room for nudity even without abolishing the standard of "no shirt, no shoes, no service"). I would be satisfied with a compromise - the freedom to simply be nude in certain instances where the impact of that nudity on others is minimized, and where, quite frankly, it makes a lot of sense for people to have that fundamental freedom.

In other words, responsible nudity in reasonable contexts. And by "responsible" I mean that any kind of inappropriate or indecent behavior would still be forbidden (I think many people fear that bad actors will exploit an acceptance of nudity to engage in this kind of illicit behavior, and I do not wish that to be the case). The law and public sentiment would merely be blind to a person's state of dress (or undress).


Also, on that note, it wouldn't be sufficient merely to have the legal right to be nude in these places (although that would be a step in the right direction), but I would wish for society to be on board with this state of affairs to the point of acknowledging and accepting that other people have the right to choose how to dress themselves, and not get uptight anytime they encounter nudity within these pre-determined bounds. So that not only would you not have criminal liability, but that neither would you be treated like a pariah and become isolated from your friends and family for choosing to go nude.

With that settled, we come to the question of where it would make sense to normalize nudity first. Let me list my top 5 suggestions.

1. Home

This location barely qualifies as "public", which is why I'm listing it first. And it's a shame to waste a spot on such a basic item, but in spite of the temptation to say that we already have the freedom to be nude at home, this is simply not the case. I do spend quite a lot of time at home nude, but that depends on company.

It's not that I am opposed to dressing up for special occasions and planned gatherings. But it would be nice to be able to answer the door without having to scramble for clothes every time a spontaneous visitor comes knocking, and to be able to lounge around in my own home the way I'm most comfortable, regardless of who shows up, without the implicit expectation of changing the way I would prefer to be dressed. Especially with guests staying overnight, during those times - late in the evening and early in the morning - when decorum is typically at its most informal.


That's not to say that I believe I should be able to come over to your house and take off my clothes; that's up to you as the host. I believe in the "king of the castle" doctrine on this matter. And though it's true that even some non-nudists respect this doctrine, it is far from universal, particularly on the subject of nudity. People are still occasionally charged for indecent exposure within their own homes, and, even more frequently, are isolated from their family and friends if they dare to insist upon not covering up.

If, on the other hand, your belief is that you should make your guests comfortable (i.e., "the guest is king"), then how come y'all don't get undressed when I drop by your house for a visit?

2. Garden

By "garden" here I am referring to the external property in the lot where you live (whether or not you grow flowers, or own your house for that matter). This is only the tiniest step beyond the privacy of one's home (literally, starting on the doorstep), but, significantly, introduces a greater potential for public view. Not just anyone will enter your home, but you never know who could be walking (or driving) down your street.

Some people, myself included, are lucky enough to have [more-or-less] private yards where they can be nude outside the house without being seen. Not everyone is so lucky. And I still feel boxed in by the fence in my back yard, unable to tend to the front without changing the way I'm dressed.


It would be nice to be able to mow the whole lawn, step out the front door and grab my mail, roll the trash can to the curb (and back), and wash my car in the driveway, without putting on shorts specifically for the task. If an allowance for being nude within view of the public should start anywhere, it should start on the property where a person lives.

As an extension, since I'm not sure this deserves a separate spot, people living in, e.g., dormitories and apartment complexes should have the same freedom - to enjoy shared spaces around their home (such as hallways, balconies, and the laundromat) in the same level of comfort they enjoy in the privacy of their own separate rooms. Ideally, this freedom would also extend to hotels, which function as temporary domiciles. After all, don't hotels like to offer their guests all the pleasures and conveniences (and then some) of being at home?

3. Car

We're more than halfway through the list, and I feel like I'm still wasting spots on the obvious. But I guess that's kind of the point of the list, isn't it? I've driven nude many times, but only in isolated situations where I feel relatively safe doing so (and more often at night). The reality is, how often do you even notice what somebody in another car is wearing?

Now, you might argue that there's not much point in being nude in the car when you're going to have to be dressed when you get to where you're going, but you might be surprised by the opportunities available - especially once we begin picking out locations where public nudity is tolerated. That way you wouldn't have to get dressed to get there and back.


Even now, though, there are times when I've just been swimming, and I have to drive home, and my skin is still damp, so I don't want to get dressed. Or, I've got a long interstate drive ahead of me, and I figure, I might as well be comfortable!

The fact that I can already get away with this as much as I do is just testament to the fact that it's a natural choice for this list, but it would be nice to take away the fear of being stopped at a stoplight and having someone on the sidewalk peek in, or the added anxiety of wondering how I'm going to explain myself if I happen to see flashing lights in my rearview mirror.

And if we're feeling generous, we could extend that freedom to a larger portion of the driving experience. Imagine stopping off to fuel up without having to get dressed. You barely have to leave your car as it is if you're paying at the pump. And rest stops are already like islands accessible only to highway traffic. What's the harm in designating them nude-friendly zones? You could stretch your legs, relieve yourself, and pick up a snack at the vending machines; no need to cover up!

4. Parks

"Parks" is admittedly a pretty vague designation. I would put the emphasis on wilderness parks, but an argument could be made for the freedom to relax or recreate nude in, e.g., city parks and the like.

I'm tempted to single out state parks, because they seem more likely to be "outdoorsy", but that may not necessarily be the case (and besides, some of them can draw pretty big crowds of tourists).

National parks may be an even better option, and in some cases, there are allowances for a little bit more leniency in dress code (depending on who you ask), but this is not a guarantee, and they are even fewer and farther between.


Ultimately, I think there should be a tolerance for people to get out into nature to enjoy the scenic vistas and recreate (hiking, biking, swimming, camping, etc.) without any more clothes than the animals are wearing.

You can already do this to an extent, as long as you are careful about avoiding other people, but I don't think it should be something that you have to go out of your way to hide (and even doing your due diligence in this respect won't assure your safety if you happen to get caught).

As far as I'm concerned, being naked is the proper way to appreciate nature - that's why it's sometimes referred to as "au naturel", and why "naturism" is a synonym for nudism. It makes more sense than expecting to encounter naked people in crowded stores and buses in the midst of civilization.

5. Pools

It's a well-worn cliché among nudists that swimsuits are the most pointless garment ever invented. And it's a cliché for a reason. But while nudists tend to harbor a disdain for swimsuits - complaining not only about how useless they are, but arguing that they "sexualize" the human body - I actually appreciate them, as it's the closest I can come to being nude while in the company of textiles, without inciting an uproar.


And it seems to me that swimming pools are the closest textile culture ever comes to embodying a nudist mindset. Everyone is walking around with about 90% of their bodies exposed (well, moreso the girls than the guys), and it's not a big deal. You can walk up to the snack bar, order a taco, sit down and eat it, in clothing that would be downright scandalous anywhere else (sometimes covering even less than most people's underwear), and nobody bats an eye.

It's surreal. And I don't see why we can't just go the last ten yards and normalize swimming nude. With acceptance of nudity at home and in the car, you could have an entire day of summer fun without ever having to get dressed! And you wouldn't even have to isolate yourself from family, friends, and the community to do it. Isn't that the dream?

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