Bikini Closeout Sale!

'Tis the season to go rummaging through racks of swimsuits on clearance! And at the time of this writing, temperatures are still regularly in the eighties (if not higher), so you might even have a chance to use them! Although, unfortunately, all the pools have already closed down for the season. Nevertheless, I treated myself to a trip to the mall today, to try on some bikinis. Finding matching pieces in the right sizes is tough when you're picking through the season's leftovers, but that's part of the fun of discovery!

Much as I love bikinis, there's really little to no opportunity for me to actually wear them, except for photoshoots at home. But even so, they still bring me joy. I'd worried in the past that I was spending money filling up my drawers with clothes I can never wear, but I realized something today. I'd feel a little bit guilty trying on bikinis if I never bought one. After all, my fear of shopping in the women's department abated only when I came to the understanding that these are the clothes I wear. I'm not a stranger in a strange land - this is where I belong! So if I have to buy a swimsuit every now and then to achieve the legitimacy of "paying customer" status, so be it. I'll just consider it a "bikini tax" for the enjoyment I get from seeing how the different styles look on my body.

Are you ready? Let's try on some bikinis!

I liked this bikini. Such a pretty shade of green. The top was way too big for me, though - I couldn't find any smaller ones. Also, I've found that these bandeau-style tube-type tops - as much as I love how they're practically just a strip of fabric across your chest - don't flatter me very well, because I don't have much cleavage to start with, and they tend to emphasize my broad shoulders.

This pinkish/purplish suit was just adorable. I love the ruffles - so cute! Sadly, I could only find it in XS (extra small - there was also a pretty yellow suit that I wanted to try on, but it was only available in XL, and there was no way it was going to fit on me). I may not be very big (tall, yes - especially for a woman - but not big), but XS is a bit of a stretch for me.

Ah, the coveted ruched suit! I love this suit so much. It doesn't work on my body at all, but I so wish it did. Note how the top is comically large (I couldn't find anything in less than a D cup), while the bottom is comically small - it might fit around my hips, but it absolutely does not contain my "stuff", as you can see. Which is a real shame. I love the ruched look. It's so cute and flattering. I'd settle for a fuller front just to have that kind of framing for my butt.

This one was my favorite of the day, averaging both the style and fit. The top was the smallest cup size I found on the entire rack - a B. Still more cup than I need, but not so much that it looks out of proportion to the rest of my body. Plus, it actually does a good job of creating the illusion of a bust. Those cloth triangles you get with string bikinis are versatile; they conform to just about any chest size. But the downside is that if you're flat-chested, they won't hide it.

As for the bottoms, they're a small, so it's a snug fit (what with my package included). They don't disguise my anatomy (as few if any women's swimsuits can), but they do a better job than many of keeping me relatively contained, and the busy pattern provides some discretion. Plus, my butt looks great spilling out a little bit - it gives it some extra curvature. I felt confident enough to check myself out in the shared three-way mirror. Here's a video (I apologize in advance for not being able to hold the camera very steady - I was excited!):

So I bought them. I paid my bikini tax. They were on clearance, anyway, so they only cost me $15 all together. Score! I was so excited when I got home, I couldn't even wait till I cut off the tags to do yet another photoshoot in them, lol. Now, into the drawer they go...

Ruched Justice

Don't tell this to my doctor, but even though I like my penis and wouldn't want to lose it, I'd consider getting Sexual Reassignment Surgery just to be able to wear bikinis in public. Can you believe there are women out there who could actually get away with wearing these bottoms? Look at them - they're amazing! Please, tell me what the male equivalent of that is? Perhaps a man could legally wear bikini briefs on public land (probably not on the grounds of a business, though), but that, unlike this, is not an accepted part of our culture. I can go to a general purpose department store at my local mall (in Nowheresville, U.S.A.), and find bikinis like this in multiple colors, patterns, and styles, yet men have no equivalent option. If you're lucky, you might find a Speedo or two at a sporting goods store (because that's athletic wear, not casual fashion), probably in dull, solid colors (most frequently black or blue), and you still won't be permitted to wear it at your local pool. \o/

That gives me an idea, though. Women are campaigning for top freedom (which I wholeheartedly support). I should campaign for bottom equality. Even accounting for the greater protuberance of men's genitalia, singling out swim briefs, and restricting men to the pseudo-option of board shorts or longer board shorts, is sexual discrimination, pure and simple. Sad thing is, justice doesn't carry much weight when it's not popular. I'm sure most men would prefer to just go on "sexually obectifying" women while themselves being free from the pressure of sexual objectification. How come there aren't more women on my side? Come on - guys in Speedos? You know you want to see it!

Why Nudism? (Part 6)

I suspect this may be one of the more controversial images in this series, as one of the fundamental tenets of nudism is that it is for every body (with which I do not disagree). But I don't believe that body acceptance is incompatible with the aesthetic principle of beauty. On the one hand, there is the belief that all bodies are beautiful. But that reassurance doesn't sound convincing when it's coming from someone that anyone would acknowledge is beautiful by conventional standards.

Of course, beauty is subjective, and no matter what you look like, there will be people whose preferences don't align with yours. So you may think I am beautiful, but others may disagree, and regardless of what anyone thinks, having confidence in one's own appearance is valuable, however difficult it may be to find (and I can tell you from personal experience that even traditionally beautiful people don't always realize they're beautiful).

I believe that anyone can and should enjoy nudism, no matter what they look like. But I also believe that my body is beautiful, and that beauty is a virtue, therefore I should share that beauty with others (which nudism allows me to do), and not keep it hidden selfishly away (as the textile world compels me to do). That's why I model, and it's also one of the many reasons I practice nudism, even if it's not one that every nudist will share. After all, you only need one reason to be a nudist. Not agreeing with them all isn't a reason not to practice nudism.

Outfit of the Day (nopan version)

I love this little pink dress. It's one of my favorite things to wear. I love it so much, I own two! And it's hard to believe, but I've had them since from a time before I started shaving my legs. (Are you tired of seeing it yet)? It's not perfect. When I'm in a self-conscious mood, I worry that it emphasizes my broad shoulders and flat chest, to the point of making me look like "a man in a dress" (notwithstanding counter-stereotypes). But when I'm being less self-critical, I think it looks downright adorable. I love how skimpy it is - cutting off just above the chest and at the upper thigh - it totally flatters my legs, which are one of my best features, and the placement of the ruffles does a pretty good job of hiding my bulge (assuming I'm wearing underwear - otherwise the sway of my free-standing member tends to resonate with the pleats in dangerous harmony). And yet it covers enough to be perfectly street legal (and the neck tie keeps it from falling down, although I do have to constantly adjust it to keep it from sagging, especially now that it's a bit old and worn out). And it's so quick and easy to put on and slip off! It's a great thing to wear during the summer (or late fall), when it's ninety degrees out. I wish I had more dresses like this.

And here, I believe, is my first Outfit of the Day in video form (just because I can). :-3

Square Format Selfie

Here's another square format selfie, but a little less explicit than the last one. ;-)

Why Nudism? (Parts 4 & 5)

The next two images in this series both deal with a similar theme - the discomfort of wearing sweaty clothing - one as the result of temperature, and the other exercise. In the first case, stripping down when you're hot makes no less sense than bundling up when you're cold. People tend to wear clothes that bare a lot of skin in the summer, and for good reason. If it weren't for the nudity taboo, I'd expect to see a lot more naked people during the warmer months - at parks and pools, and in their homes. Is some vague notion of "modesty" more important than your personal comfort? Or avoiding heat stroke? There's no excuse for covering up when it's ninety degrees out. You might even save a few bucks on your electric bill! And don't try to tell me you've never coped with a broken air conditioner by foregoing the daily routine of getting dressed.

Have you seen workout clothes? They tend to look a lot like underwear - tight, and skimpy. Inevitably, exercise has the tendency to warm us up, even when the ambient temperature is cool. And your body needs proper ventilation. I might have to concede - especially to women with large chests - that having proper support for one's "dangly bits" is a valid concern. But, to be honest, I've yet to try an activity where, having become accustomed to the feeling of my penis flopping around, it has caused any real issues beyond the vigorous motion and contact resulting in temporary partial engorgement. Of course, some activities require safety gear, but beyond that, there's nothing stopping you from, say, going for a bike ride wearing a helmet and maybe knee pads - but nothing else. No sweaty clothes to deal with, and less laundry to do later. And when you're done, you can just hop in the shower to rinse off!

Barrel Bather

I could not resist!

Planting Bamboo

This fall, I'm looking ahead to the spring, and experimenting with fast-growing bamboo to provide a little peace of mind when engaging in nude recreation in the yard. (Not that I care if anyone sees me, of course, but so as not to give anyone reason to complain). It might take some time for the plants to grow in enough to give us some real privacy, but you have to start somewhere!

Here are a couple of videos. First, unpacking the bamboo:

And hauling the soil:

The Disguise is Still Thin

I was looking at this old image, thinking about the thoughts it had conjured in me about a year and a half ago, and it stirred up a lot of old feelings. I guess not much has changed on this subject, although a year and a half is a small amount of time for the kinds of sweeping changes I envision. Still, here's the reformulation of my thoughts:

Sometimes I think about all the effort we expend to hide the simple fact of our sexual natures, when it is ever only hiding just under the surface of everyday life, and it just seems so...insane. Like to acknowledge our bodies and the purpose they are driven towards would send society screeching to a halt, or worse, crashing down around us in flames. There are worse "sins" than perversion. You can destroy yourself with illicit drugs, give in to selfish and antisocial impulses, and sabotage your own well-being. But sex is a fundamental part of living. Yeah, it feels good, and there's a risk of indulging too heavily, without proper preparation and protection. But you can kill yourself from eating too much fat or sugar, and those are everyday staples of our diet, available in every grocery store. Every morning we get up and transport ourselves about town in roving death machines. And by and large, we're okay. Admitting that the anticipation of the sensation of a penis entering a vagina (or any number of other more and less related stimuli) gets you excited (as your instincts dictate) isn't going to destroy the fabric of society. It isn't going to cause churches to spontaneously combust, nor is it going to irrevocably scar our children for life. So can we just get over it already?

I posted this over at deviantART, and got a nice response (you can read it on that page), which had me thinking further about the impact that religion (specifically Christianity) has had on our sexual attitudes. I feel strongly about what I wrote, so I wanted to reproduce it here on my blog:

I do think religion has had a lot to do with it. I remember reading The Mists of Avalon, which depicts a world in transition between the old religions and Christianity, and thinking about the effect the latter has had on changing man's perception of his sexual impulses. I can see its utility in a civilizing context; after all, if you control sex - who and how people procreate - you control the population. Which isn't to say that I believe in an elaborate conspiracy, but what purpose does religion serve if not to protect the masses from their own baser impulses?

Still, I think that in this age of contraceptive technology, it's counterproductive (to which the results of any study on abstinence education will attest) for priests to continue to be the stewards of our primal instincts (especially in light of their own moral failings). It's time we took responsibility for our actions back into our own hands. We needn't embrace the illusion that sex is sinful just in order to control our urges. Maturity, technology, and public education are sufficient for that. Sacrificing a holistically positive approach towards human sexuality (as the ancient pagans must have had) should only have ever been a means to an end - a necessary evil, if you will. It's time to cast that view aside, and embrace sex - safely and responsibly - not as wild animals, but as the evolved and sophisticated race of intelligent beings we ought by now to be.

Or maybe I'm just ahead of my time.

Solar Therapy

I'm totally a warmbody. The heat and the sunshine feels so amazing against my skin. I often feel like I should move south, and "go where the weather suits my clothes" (or lack thereof). I know that sex has no place in nudism, but if it's the activity of being nude itself (either at home, outdoors, or around others) that gets you excited, I don't see why that shouldn't be embraced as part of the lifestyle. If you enjoy white water rafting so much that it actually turns you on, you're still a legitimate white water rafter. And so long as you're not behaving lewdly or bending someone over and fucking them right there in front of others, then I don't see any problem.

I wish we could separate sexual arousal from sexual activity in our minds. But then, maybe I'm really not like most people, after all. Although I'd prefer to believe that I've simply stumbled upon an alternative way of thinking, if only I could just persuade the rest of the world to get on board. Okay, maybe I'm delusional. But I can't deny that it works for me (apart from the difficulties fitting in). Imagine a world that unselfconsciously celebrates the beauty of eroticism, without necessarily devolving into a 24/7 group orgy. Not that group orgies can't be fun, but they require a certain amount of planning and organization (making sure the participants all want to have sex with each other, and knowing what their likes/boundaries are) for maximum pleasure.

I just don't want people assuming that erections inevitably lead to intercourse. I mean, there's literally nothing harmful about somebody walking down a public street with a raging hard-on. It's the fear of what that could lead to, based on what we associate it with, that makes people uncomfortable. Call me crazy, but I want to disassociate erections with sex. They'r sexual, but not everything sexual has to involve sex. I want to end the demonization and compartmentalization (literally relegating it to the bedroom, or else under your clothing) of sexual arousal.

And the only difference that practicing nudism makes is that you can see it. Guys are getting hard all the time under their clothes, for all kinds of reasons. If nudism is truly about doing things just like textiles do them, but without clothes on, then seeing an erection spring up every now and then should be a regular occurrence. It only has as much meaning as we give it. And right now, the meaning we're giving it is indicative of our sex-negative (which is not exclusive of being sex-obsessed) culture. All I'm saying is there's a better way.

Who let the dog out?

Here's a nice trick to taking a great artistic nude photo. Don't just point the camera at a nude body and snap a picture. You can't neglect composition and framing. Set up a shot (whether it's indoors or outdoors, but this is especially effective for landscape nudes) that looks good even without the figure/model in it. (I guess as a self-portrait photographer, I have a leg up in this respect). Then, add the figure to the shot in a suitable location. (You will, of course, still want to make sure the lighting and the posing of the figure looks good). This way, you won't just have a nice picture of a naked body (which could describe a lot of low effort porn), but you'll have a work of art that anyone could appreciate! It's like writing out a good solid melody on an acoustic guitar before adding a lot of feedback. Sure, the feedback rocks, and takes the song to a whole other level, but you don't want to be accused of having all fluff and no substance.

Also, a large part of the appeal of this particular scene isn't just the fact that I'm naked, but the fact that I'm naked outdoors, on a nice patch of grass, in the sunshine, under a bright blue sky with fluffy clouds. Context is key.

Outfit of the Day (#ootd)

Being an internet model has taught me to see myself the way other people see me. And random offhand remarks aside, nobody is as critical about your appearance as you are yourself. Finding out that there are people out there who think I am attractive has enabled me to look past the flaws (and I have plenty), and focus more on the parts that I like about my body. Nobody's perfect. And nobody has to be. There are ways you can improve your appearance - I didn't like how I looked when I started putting on weight, so I worked to get rid of it, and I've never looked back. And I strive to find clothes that balance the sometimes conflicting influences of what I like and what looks good on my body.

As a guy who wants to look like a girl, I probably have a pretty quirky sense of style (I'd describe it as a cross between pretty princess and teenage whore). But there has to be a limit to the constant self-judgment. If you don't like something about yourself, work to change it. And if you can't or won't work to change it, then learn to accept it instead. But stop going through life always putting yourself down. There will always be somebody out there more beautiful than you are. But there will be somebody uglier, too. You're neither the best nor the worst example of humanity. So just focus on being the best possible you, and learn to be happy with that. Confidence goes a long way.

More Motel Moments

Motel Morning

My first instinct when waking up in a motel room naked and erect is to swing the curtains wide. But, of course, with the daylight comes the potential for prying eyes. Not that I care if anyone sees me, but if someone gets offended, somehow that's my responsibility...

Seems to me that windows were made for looking out, not looking in. As far as I'm concerned, if you go peeping and see something you don't like, that's on you. But we live in a culture that loves to waive personal responsibility and blame somebody else for the shit we step in. So it's safest just to not shit in the street. :-p

Anyway, my second instinct is to test out the mirrors.

Yep, lookin' good. :-3

Outfit of the Day (Motel Room Edition)

It's fun to think about how, in spite of all our desperate measures aimed at covering the fact of our nakedness, there isn't a person alive whose most intimate parts are more than a layer or two of thin fabric away from being exposed at any time, even as they walk down a public street. That there's a sexy, seedy reality lying barely hidden under the fragile surface of civilized life. Considering how ubiquitous our bodies are, and how strong the nudity taboo is, it's an impressive feat - if indicative of severe neuroticism.

Of course, part of the fun of getting naked is bucking the social programming we've been fed all our lives to deny our more natural, authentic selves. Nudists come in all stripes, but one thing you can say about a nudist is that they're willing to question at least one of the most fundamental (and arbitrary) social imperatives that we're taught from a young age - don't let anyone see what you look like under your clothes.

Pseudonymous Pornography

Or "pseudo-anonymous", if you like.

Mental Autonomy

Consent-Based Ethics and Sexual Thoughtcrime

In a recent discussion on voyeurism among nudists (who are notoriously opposed to the concept, when I feel they should be natural allies), I wrote the following:

"Consent is important. But we should also consider what it is that's being consented to, and whether it's really something that needs to be consented to. You don't have a right, for example, to police the image of you that exists inside my head."

This was in response to the mounting notion (which I kind of feel is a regrettable conservative reaction to an otherwise positive progressive social engineering strategy) that consent-based sexual ethics can be extended to people's thoughts and fantasies. That if you experience any kind of sexual stimulation (physical or psychological) at the "expense" of a non-consenting other, you are in effect committing a form of rape (the violation of another's consent for purposes of sexual gratification). Frankly, I think it's insulting to even refer to this as rape, but without using the term, that's how people are describing it (a violation of sexual consent), and I believe we should be straightforward about the ridiculousness of what these people are suggesting.

This is why I think we should balance the importance of consent with a rational analysis of the harm principle. Person A may not have consented to be featured in the sexual fantasies of Person B, but how much harm does this really do? And what about a person's mental autonomy? You can't tell me I'm not allowed to think sexual thoughts about another person. How is that any different from telling me I can't think bad thoughts about another person? That's a gross violation of my mental space. And as somebody with anxiety who constantly worries that other people are thinking bad thoughts about me, you'd think I'd want to be able to police other people's minds. But as much agony as it causes me, I know the problem is in my own head, and I can recognize that controlling other people's minds as a solution would be beyond the pale, and is something that can never be seriously considered in a free society.

So all these people saying, "I didn't consent for you to masturbate to me", need to make a distinction. In the context of exhibitionism, it's true that current public standards dictate that you can't just whip your genitals out and start masturbating in public because you saw something that turned you on. That's a crime of exposure. It has nothing to do with who or what caused that person to decide to behave indecently. But in the context of voyeurism, if you see something that you like, and want to pleasure yourself to the sight of it (right then, provided you're somewhere private) or the thought of it (later) - so long as you are not exposed in public, then you are doing nothing wrong. Nobody in this society has the right to violate another person's mental autonomy by dictating that their image, or the thought of their person in somebody else's head, cannot be used as a masturbatory aid.

This is one of those stances that doesn't sound very politically correct - hence why it is so unpopular - yet is paramount to maintaining the integrity of our sense of justice and civil liberty. A lot of people are content to campaign for whatever easy notion is popular ("ew, I don't want nasty perverts thinking about me when they jerk off" as opposed to "mental autonomy is critical, even if it may result in some minorly uncomfortable implications"). I prefer to campaign for what is right. After all, sex has always been the fulcrum around which tyrants and dictators have tried to restrict human rights. Establish a system of controlling people's sexual thoughts - which few would oppose - and it's a simple matter to tweak the system to be able to control people's other thoughts as well. Before you know it, an authoritarian dystopia has snuck in through the back door.

Just ask yourself this question to find out where you stand: do you (and should you) have the right to think about whatever you want when you stimulate yourself sexually? I bet a surprising number of people would say no. And that bothers me, because we're living in an age where mental autonomy is becoming increasingly unpopular. This is the critical importance behind discussions of censorship and free speech - they police the saying of certain things, but what they really want is to stop you from even thinking them. And language has the power to shape people's thoughts. If you've ever studied a foreign language, you've experienced this. And if you've never read George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, it might be a good time to do so.

In conclusion, the doctrine of bodily autonomy is good, but it isn't enough. And it doesn't extend to other people's minds. I support full autonomy - of the body and mind. Nobody can do or make you do anything to or with your physical body without your consent. But nobody can dictate the limits of your thoughts and beliefs, either. This is a direct consequence of the fundamental strategy - that I already advocate - of separating people's thoughts from their actions. But it's worth stating explicitly. The notion of "consent" protects people's bodily autonomy, but it may not be used as an excuse to violate anyone's mental autonomy.