I was having a bit of a daydream that turned into an erotic fantasy - one that I'd just as soon not relate - and, due to the nature of the fantasy, I got to thinking about the implications of a person being turned on by really naughty thoughts. And when I say "naughty", I do not simply mean sexual in nature - I mean bad, even downright evil.
Surely, the kink community is familiar with this subject, as the realm of BDSM is more or less characterized by people who get turned on by rather nasty things - like, just as one example, tying someone up and whipping them to the point of bleeding, all the while delighting in their screams. I mean, this is an act that is generally considered atrocious (outside the realm of sexual fantasy and roleplay), and all the more so if the perpetrator is perceived to derive a sexual pleasure from such an act of sadism.
I'm not so much concerned, as the conservative majority is, about the ethical implications of having these sexual turn-ons, as I have enough experience and intelligence to understand that a sexual desire to hurt someone, for example, does not automatically equate to a pattern of antisocial behavior towards others; and that there are, to employ an over-used phrase, safe, sane, and consensual ways to satisfy those kinds of sexual desires.
Personally, I'm not that kinky in my actual sex life. Hurting someone is about the quickest way for me to lose my boner (even if they asked for it). But fantasies are a different story. There are certain things - certain subjects - that are so delinquent and debauched, that I can't help perceiving in them a strong erotic impulse. They are not things I would ever do or condone in reality, and yet, the concept of them is erotically captivating. I liken it to the pure Sadean philosophy of being turned on by something because it's just so wrong. And that is a feeling I can relate to.
But that's also why I think it's important to make a distinction between fantasies and desires. A desire is something you want to do. A fantasy is something that turns you on. I think in mainstream culture, most people are familiar with the sort of innocuous sexual fantasies like "having sex with twins". In reality, I don't think that every guy with that fantasy would go through with it, presented with the opportunity (like how Jerry turned down a threesome in that one episode of Seinfeld).
Nevertheless, there are probably a lot of guys who would - and that's the kind of sexual fantasy that can be easily translated into a real world desire (even though for most people I think it is more of a "wouldn't that be nice" fantasy than a really strong desire, much less one that's required for arousal, as it may be in the case of those in the kink community).
But then there are those other fantasies, that are so twisted that you know they wouldn't be half as enticing if enacted in reality - precisely because of those real-world considerations (read: consequences) that often get glossed over in the idealized world of fantasy. And I think that's nowhere as true as it is in the case of these despotic fantasies that are so exciting precisely because they're so terribly wrong.
And, maybe, ultimately, that's what the appeal of the Marquis de Sade's writings largely is. It's not that I think that locking someone up in chains and feeding them human waste is the least bit appealing, nor would I ever be able to live with myself if I actually did something so terrible. But that's the thing, it's just so terribly bad, that taking some kind of perverted pleasure in it is like a great big cognitive "fuck you" to the entire structure of civilization that tries to dictate how you're supposed to act and what you're supposed to believe in. It's a cathartic release. It's equivalent to the Marquis de Sade fucking a whore with a crucifix, in order to try to establish a dialogue with a seemingly non-existent God.
But I've gone off on a bit of a tangent. I worry sometimes what other people would think if they knew that I took some kind of sexual pleasure out of something that most people (myself included) would consider atrocious - outside the context of sexual fantasy (and roleplay). But that's the thing. I understand the difference between fantasies - being turned on by ideas - and desires - wanting to actually do things in real life. I'm not sure that everyone else does, though.
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