Sex as Rebellion

In the popular dystopian novel 1984, George Orwell writes that "the sexual act, successfully performed, [is] rebellion." Now, in the context of his novel, this is literally true, as the authoritarian regime outlaws all such expressions of passion, because it undermines their power when subjects are directing their love towards one another, and thus diverting it away from Big Brother. But like too many of his social and political insights, this idea is frighteningly applicable to our world. Sexual repression disguised as sexual morality is often used by those in power to keep the public under their thumbs. But others have written about that better than I can here and now; after all, I am not a politician but a philosopher. So I turn my attention to the realm of sexual fantasy.

It seems to me that one of the most potent energies in sexual fantasy is the transgression of boundaries. It's interesting to consider whether our treatment of sex as being "naughty" is an arbitrary conception, or if it is rooted in some dependent framework. I spend a lot of time arguing for a purer conception of sex - I don't think it's healthy to treat sex as something that is sinful. But on the other hand, I can't deny that there is a certain excitement in doing things that you're not supposed to do. Yet, unlike violence (and other things you're not supposed to do), sex is a pleasurable activity that does not hurt anyone (when performed properly), so it's one we can afford to feel only a superficial level of guilt about - because really, there's nothing to be guilty about at all.

But one thing that I think scares a lot of people about sex is the way our minds tend to eroticize the excitement of pushing the boundaries. We do a lot of things for sex that we wouldn't do otherwise, and that may actually be considered disgusting (or immoral) in any other context. Like, for example, touching another person's genitalia (to start off really tame). But though certain acts may be considered "dirty", when in a sexual mindset, those same acts may turn us on. And individual tastes will vary. Sex itself is naughty enough for some people. Others might have a fascination with bodily fluids. Some will get off on dominating, while others will crave humiliation.

I think the fear comes in where people are unable to make the distinction between sexual fantasy, and nonsexual behavior. "If I enjoy spanking someone, does it mean I secretly like to hurt people?" I don't think you can just jump to that conclusion. While some people may find themselves in that basket, I don't think there's any reason to suggest that if you enjoy spanking a consenting partner as a form of sex play, that it has any connection to a strong desire to spank people outside of sex play, or even a realistic desire to spank nonconsenting partners (regardless of the nature of your fantasies). I think there's a fundamental aspect to sexuality that is brutish and animalistic, and tapping into it can be immensely enjoyable - but doing so doesn't indicate that you've given up your higher faculties. It doesn't mean you don't still recognize that you are a person, a member of a complex social society, and that the normal rules for interpersonal human relationships still apply. Simply put, your behavior in the bedroom doesn't dictate your behavior in the boardroom, or anywhere else. There is a time and a place for sexual enjoyment and exploration, and a time for practiced professionalism.

I think a lot of people are scared of their sexual fantasies, and are afraid to embrace them because they find them either disgusting or unethical. If those people could learn to tell the difference between sexual fantasy and reality, I think they could learn how to chill out and enjoy life more. But I think they're also afraid of other people's sexual fantasies, and especially those people who have learned how to embrace them. But again, if they recognized the difference between sexual fantasy and reality, they'd realize there's no basis for judging a person's ethics or nonsexual tastes based on what they fantasize about.

The impetus for writing this post actually came about as I was casually browsing some pictures on flickr that could best be described as "pornographic". To be honest, I'm actually kind of curious about the kind of comments perverts leave on pictures of such a nature - call me crazy, but I think it's interesting learning about other people's sexual turn-ons. Of course, they aren't always going to be appealing to me, depending on my own tastes, but it's still interesting to hear what others are thinking. Plus, it's sometimes fascinating to see what commenters will "add" to the picture, by giving it some context not otherwise provided, which caters to their individual interests.

Anyway, I was going through some pictures, reading comments in this fashion, and the topic of incest seemed to come up a lot. It's a testament to the controversy of that topic that you're probably jumping to some pretty hefty conclusions about the pictures I was looking at right now, but you'd be way off. And I was thinking about how emotionally sensitive that topic seems to be, and I don't think it deserves the derision it gets. I can appreciate the erotic appeal of transgressing the boundaries of intrafamilial sexuality, and yet I have absolutely zero desire to engage in any kind of sex act with any member of my own family. I see it just as it is - a titillating erotic fantasy, not necessarily based in any kind of reality. And I don't know why we've gotten to a point where erotic fantasy has become something to be fearful of.

In the first place, you can't assume that someone who has the fantasy also has the desire to enact it in reality. I know a lot of people would love to be able to make that leap. And though it might be possible that some do have that desire, that's not a justification for censorship. You can't ban everyone from using knives because some people might use them for criminal purposes. And to go even further, we're talking about thoughts here. It doesn't matter how disgusting you might think it is, you can't tell someone they're not allowed to think about something just because it turns them on (and you off).

But why presume that an "immoral" sexual turn-on accompanies an all-out disregard for common decency? Even if someone is turned on by incest and considers trying it out in reality (within the bounds of reason and consent), why presume he will hurt or force someone in the process? I know, it's supposed to be disgusting for family members to "engage" in that way, but it's my personal belief that a person should not be restricted from doing something that doesn't hurt anyone just because it goes against the popular notion of sexual morality. Or just because it's offensive. If it doesn't hurt anyone, I don't see the point in calling it a crime. I believe people should have the right to consent to do things that would disgust other people.

I think a lot of it comes from the stereotype of the deranged pervert. If someone has loose sexual morals, then it's supposed to reflect on his character overall. But that's bull. And it comes from a very sex negative mindset. I believe that ethics are more important than morals, and ethics involve the principle of harm and the notion of consent. Morality is whatever disgusts you. But as long as a person has healthy sexual ethics, then he's not going to hurt anyone no matter how disgusting his sexual tastes are. The important thing here is to understand that a person can have offensive sexual tastes and still maintain a strong sense of ethical integrity.

I just don't think you should have to be scared if something strange starts to turn you on. And I don't like people imposing their sexual morals on others, obstructing the free exchange of positive feelings in the process. The things that turn you on don't dictate the way you treat other people, they don't determine the nature of your character. You have to remember that there is a distinct difference between being a pervert and a criminal (or just merely a creep). And I know it's hard to make that distinction in a world that treats sex as a criminal offense. But the truth is, there are plenty of perverts who are fine, upstanding individuals, and plenty of sexual prudes who treat other people like shit. You shouldn't judge someone by what turns them on, but by how they actually treat other people, in practice (and outside of their sexual fantasies).