Swimsuit Model

Hello, there. I'm trying to decide which of these swimsuits I should wear to the pool. Care to help me decide?

The String Bikini

Origin: I bought this bikini at a secondhand store, because it looked so hot, and I really wanted it, mainly to wear for private photo sessions.

Pros: It's a string bikini, what more can I say? It's hot pink, really skimpy, and super sexy!

Cons: It doesn't stay on. I don't have the breasts to keep the top in place, and the material on the bottom doesn't stretch much; it is utterly incapable of keeping my package in and holding itself up.

Verdict: Cute and sexy, but not practical for public wear.

The "Mankini"

Origin: This is actually just the bottom half of a regular bikini I received as a hand-me-down (or up), but I like to wear it on its own. It's pretty comfortable.

Pros: While still being cute (it has cherries on it), the black color is a little less flashy, which I think draws less attention to my package. Also, the material does an incredible job of stretching over my package and keeping everything in place.

Cons: There's nothing, really, I dislike about this suit, but it should be kept in mind that not everyone is used to men showing off so much skin, or even just wearing styles like this.

Verdict: This is definitely a swimsuit I could wear in public, but only in places where people wouldn't freak out over a man wearing so little. (And not in pools that have sexist rules that discriminate against men).

The Pink Suit

Origin: This is one of two suits I bought online, while looking for a compromise between the bikini I'd like to wear and the board shorts men are expected to wear (my legs are one of my best features, it's not fair that I should have to cover them up just because I'm a man!). This is the more daring of the two.

Pros: It's really cute - and pink! It fits well and keeps everything in place. Plus, it hugs my ass real tight and makes it look fantastic!

Cons: Even though the legs of the shorts are super short (pro!), they have a tendency to ride up my thighs. Other than that, the way the suit grips my package is maybe not so modest, and especially between the legs there's some definite "cameltoe" action (or male equivalent) going on.

Verdict: It's cute and sexy, and more practical than the string bikini, but probably not something I would wear in public unless I was very comfortable with the people I'd be around (or, perhaps more importantly, if the people I'd be around were very comfortable with me).

The Black Suit

Origin: This is the more modest of the two suits I bought online, and was exactly the style I was looking for as a compromise between the coverage of shorts and the exposure of "briefs".

Pros: I think the style is cute, and looks very much like a pair of short athletic shorts. The black color is modest, and my package stays in place and out of the spotlight. The pockets are really small and maybe not that practical, but I still think they're a nice touch - I could probably throw my keys in there if I'm walking across the deck, or some money for the snack bar or something.

Cons: They cover more than I'd like, and they don't show off my ass as much, but those are both things I think I'm gonna have to deal with if I want a suit that won't freak people out.

Verdict: It's more modest than my personal style would call for, but it's probably the least I could get away with (knock on wood) in any regular capacity. That having been said, for a more modest suit (I know, my standards are twisted, aren't they?), I quite like it, so I can't really complain. All that's left is to actually try it out!

The Nude

Origin: I picked up this suit on the day of my birth, and I've been wearing it ever since. In fact, I absolutely refused to take it off when I was a child. I like to wear it as much as possible these days.

Pros: It's surprisingly flattering, and really as attractive as anything I could wear. There is also, of course, the sensual delight in baring it all. It also dries very fast, and doesn't cling to you when you climb out of the pool.

Cons: Aside from the fact that you could get arrested for wearing it in most public places, the only real problem with it I could foresee is that, among all the suits, it provides the least coverage in the embarrassing case that something unexpectedly gets you "excited". So some self-control is required.

Verdict: Obviously - and unfortunately - this is not a practical suit for most public environments. But in those few places where it is allowed - in private, and in clothing optional pools and swimming holes - I recommend it wholeheartedly.