Friday, October 21, 2016

Heat Wave

I thought I'd retired this dress for the season over a month ago, but what's a girl supposed to do when it's hot as fuck - I'm talkin' 80 degree days (and even hotter nights) in the second half of October - and the air conditioners have already been taken out of the windows? Tough it out, I guess, until the wind changes direction. But don't complain if I feel compelled to peel my clothes off at the first chance I get. ;-p

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Room Service

How can I help you?

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Motel Room Selfie

With a bonus: #scarlettjohanssoning for long hair lovers!

Monday, October 17, 2016

Another Torso

It occurs to me that I've been taking a lot of pictures from this angle lately, but it's such a flattering angle! I'm betting that you'll forgive me. -_^

Thursday, October 13, 2016

The Best of Cocktoberfest

A few years ago, I got it in my head to celebrate "Cocktober" by taking a picture of my penis every day for a whole month. Why? Because I'm a twisted pervert, of course - and, I relish an artistic challenge. Informal, cell phone photography seemed a perfect fit for this project, so it basically turned out to be a month-long series of sexting pics. Now, lord knows men don't need any more incentive to take pictures of their dicks, but I thought that the pressure of taking a different picture every day (because nobody needs 30 copies of the same picture) would push me to be creative, and raise the bar for the "dick pic" standard. And that can only be a good thing, right? So let me now present to you the highlights of my Cocktoberfest celebration. And men, the next time you find yourself pointing a camera at your cock, think about how much more interesting that picture of your penis will be if you get a little creative with it. Remember, the goal is to make people smile and laugh, not cringe and scramble for the "block" button. -_^

Guitar Cock

Try posing your cock with various items of interest. Showcase your hobbies. Personalize your penis pictures.

Country Cock

Outdoors and exhibitionism-style pics are always exciting! But be aware of your surroundings - you don't want to get into trouble.

Porno Cock

Don't be afraid to use this as an opportunity to express your sexuality. Penises are for pleasure - so what gets you turned on?

Cupcake Cock

Sex and food go hand in hand, so serve up that gluttony with a heaping spoonful of lust!

Shower Cock

Soft, hard, or somewhere in between, penises are fascinating organs. See how much different you can get it to look from one day to the next.

Splatter Cock

Hey, this is October! Don't be afraid to get dirty. This is me having fun in the shower with some red face paint.

Hot Dog Cock

Fancy a footlong? We've got bun length wieners! (Don't tell me you've never wanted to try this :-p).

Crystal Cock

Put your cock to work. This one is purely ornamental. >.<

Hentai Cock

A demonstration of how Japan does censorship. (Weird, I know).

Rainbow Cock

Show your support for tolerance & diversity! Try shining some sunlight on a flipped-over CD for brilliant colors!

Glasses Cock

A perennial classic. Penises make great funny noses. Also popular are elephants' trunks.

Monster Cock

Forget Ken, let's see how you handle a real man, Barbie. Do you think you can take it all?

Trouser Cock

A.k.a. the ol' Jim Morrison. Just hangin' out. :-D

Hand Cock

Make sure you give that cock a nice, firm grip.

Squished Cock

Try to find new and original angles from which to photograph your penis. Some of them will naturally be more flattering than others. This is your chance to experiment!

Torpedo Cock

It's fun to play with the viewer's perspective. And if it makes you look even bigger, I guess that's an added bonus!

Long Hair Cock

Use your natural qualities to complement your anatomy. Whether it's your legs, hair, chest, or even your face, include it in that picture of your penis.

Cauldron Cock

Double, double, toil and trouble; fire burn, and cauldron bubble. Halloween must be fast approaching! (Always remember - safety first. You don't want to injure your precious organ).

Costumed Cock

My penis dressed up as a fairy princess for Halloween. What about yours? A pirate? A zombie? An astronaut ("to boldly go...")? Show us!

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Try This On For Size (Halloween Edition)

I would have loved nothing more than to have put on a Halloween costume fashion show for you, but the fitting rooms at the local costume shop are horrendous. The lighting is dark, the mirrors are smudged, and there aren't even any benches or hooks on which to hang your clothes! I have to wonder if it's an intentional strategy, designed to imitate the real world conditions in which you're going to be wearing your costume - either out on the streets in the dark, or drunk and half-lucid at a costume party. But I'm probably giving them too much credit.

Anyway, the costumes weren't inspiring me as much as I expected them to. With all this talk about how Halloween costumes are too "slutty", I had a hard time finding ones that looked sexy enough (or skimpy enough) to me. Has our erotophobic culture finally influenced the pendulum to swing back in the other direction? Sure, you have plenty of corset-like tops and ruffled, pleated miniskirts - which are flirty - but what, pray tell, is sexy about Darth Vader or a Ninja Turtle? Where are the French maid outfits? The witches and Roman goddesses who don't wear full-length skirts? There's a whole rack filled with fairy wings, but no fairy costumes to go with them, unless you're shopping in the tween section (which is great, but those costumes won't fit me...).

And that's another thing - sizes are all over the place. Stock is limited, so if you can't find a particular size, you're screwed. There were a few costumes I liked the look of that I couldn't even try on because they didn't have any sizes remotely close to what I imagined might fit me. And I had to discard two of the three costumes I ultimately tried on because one of the pieces was either too large or too small. I tried on a harlequin ensemble, and the skirt was cute, but the top was way too small - I couldn't even zip it up! Then I tried on this brown suede hippie costume that looked groovy, but the skirt wasn't very forgiving of my "bulge", and the top was too big - I couldn't dream of having the bust to fill it out! Also, the fringes covered up a lot more skin than I expected them to.

The one costume I tried on that I really liked was this generic Poison Ivy-themed outfit ("Lethal Beauty" - some of these names designed to avoid copyright infringement are ridiculous). The skirt had this string running through it that you could tie off to cinch up one side of it, which looked really sexy. And the ruffles went a long way in disguising my bulge. It had a bunch of accessories, but I wasn't allowed to try those on. Still, I fell completely in love with it. I wanted to buy it so much, but - let me tell you, some of these costumes are way overpriced. With the holidays looming on the horizon, I don't think I can afford to spend over fifty bucks on something I'll probably only wear once or twice. :-(

By comparison, I tried on this dress at my favorite cheapie clothing warehouse. Despite being something I might wear more than once, I still thought it was too expensive. And it was "only" $30. I loved it, though. It was very shimmery. And it had a weight to it; it felt like you were putting on a lead apron - but I liked that. It felt like I was wearing something of significance. It was a little tight around the shoulders/chest, which is not uncommon for me, but I was able to get it on and off. Nevertheless, it went back on the racks. Lol, I can't even afford to keep decent clothes to wear (to quote blues legend Otis Rush). I guess it's a good thing I don't mind going naked. If I were a beggar, I'd have to carry a sign that reads "will strip for clothes." But then, isn't that pretty much the reason every stripper gets into the business? -_^

Tuesday, October 11, 2016