Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Try This On For Size (Halloween Edition)

I would have loved nothing more than to have put on a Halloween costume fashion show for you, but the fitting rooms at the local costume shop are horrendous. The lighting is dark, the mirrors are smudged, and there aren't even any benches or hooks on which to hang your clothes! I have to wonder if it's an intentional strategy, designed to imitate the real world conditions in which you're going to be wearing your costume - either out on the streets in the dark, or drunk and half-lucid at a costume party. But I'm probably giving them too much credit.

Anyway, the costumes weren't inspiring me as much as I expected them to. With all this talk about how Halloween costumes are too "slutty", I had a hard time finding ones that looked sexy enough (or skimpy enough) to me. Has our erotophobic culture finally influenced the pendulum to swing back in the other direction? Sure, you have plenty of corset-like tops and ruffled, pleated miniskirts - which are flirty - but what, pray tell, is sexy about Darth Vader or a Ninja Turtle? Where are the French maid outfits? The witches and Roman goddesses who don't wear full-length skirts? There's a whole rack filled with fairy wings, but no fairy costumes to go with them, unless you're shopping in the tween section (which is great, but those costumes won't fit me...).

And that's another thing - sizes are all over the place. Stock is limited, so if you can't find a particular size, you're screwed. There were a few costumes I liked the look of that I couldn't even try on because they didn't have any sizes remotely close to what I imagined might fit me. And I had to discard two of the three costumes I ultimately tried on because one of the pieces was either too large or too small. I tried on a harlequin ensemble, and the skirt was cute, but the top was way too small - I couldn't even zip it up! Then I tried on this brown suede hippie costume that looked groovy, but the skirt wasn't very forgiving of my "bulge", and the top was too big - I couldn't dream of having the bust to fill it out! Also, the fringes covered up a lot more skin than I expected them to.

The one costume I tried on that I really liked was this generic Poison Ivy-themed outfit ("Lethal Beauty" - some of these names designed to avoid copyright infringement are ridiculous). The skirt had this string running through it that you could tie off to cinch up one side of it, which looked really sexy. And the ruffles went a long way in disguising my bulge. It had a bunch of accessories, but I wasn't allowed to try those on. Still, I fell completely in love with it. I wanted to buy it so much, but - let me tell you, some of these costumes are way overpriced. With the holidays looming on the horizon, I don't think I can afford to spend over fifty bucks on something I'll probably only wear once or twice. :-(

By comparison, I tried on this dress at my favorite cheapie clothing warehouse. Despite being something I might wear more than once, I still thought it was too expensive. And it was "only" $30. I loved it, though. It was very shimmery. And it had a weight to it; it felt like you were putting on a lead apron - but I liked that. It felt like I was wearing something of significance. It was a little tight around the shoulders/chest, which is not uncommon for me, but I was able to get it on and off. Nevertheless, it went back on the racks. Lol, I can't even afford to keep decent clothes to wear (to quote blues legend Otis Rush). I guess it's a good thing I don't mind going naked. If I were a beggar, I'd have to carry a sign that reads "will strip for clothes." But then, isn't that pretty much the reason every stripper gets into the business? -_^

No comments:

Post a Comment