Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Mutual Attraction

The picturesque, fairy-tale view of romance that we are all taught to believe in as children involves a mutual attraction, wherein each partner of a couple is drawn to and desires the other. It promotes the principle of love, and freedom of choice in who we choose to marry, even as the reality of arranged marriages and partnerships where one desires the other more than the reverse, and where the disadvantaged party is encouraged to give the relationship time, so that she may "grow to love" her partner, encroaches on that fantasy ideal.

The way gender politics are set up in this world, with regard to sexual selection rites, is that the female is expected to preen, so that the male may hunt and choose his mate. It would be naive to believe that the female has no power of choice in deciding her mate, but the balance of power and selection stands squarely in the male's corner. Yet - as loath as I am to feed into misogynistic PUA culture - there is a perceived difference of experience between the "alpha" males, who get to take what they want, and the so-called "beta" males, who must pick from the scraps.

As a rather effeminate male, with a deficiency of social skills and self-confidence, I have rarely been in a position to pursue those females I am attracted to. I do not whine and blame the females for my own deficiencies, however the fact remains. And I am not alone, as a guy who dreams of going out with a smoking hot model-caliber beauty, who nevertheless must largely resign himself to the likely fact that this is no more than a pipe dream. Were prostitution legal, one such as me could trade of his resources (whatever they may be) for an experience with such a woman, but you can not buy that woman's desire (for anything other than what you are buying her with).

Oh, to be wanted, by the very one you want. It must be a lovely experience. To be honest, I am not completely alien to it, but my experience is largely biased toward one-sided attractions, and tragic, unrequited loves. Going in both directions, mind you. As an erotic model, I have made myself an icon of desire. Curiously, though I originally hoped to have a larger female fanbase, I have found that I am disproportionately popular among gay males.

This is curious, indeed, and begs considerable consideration. Loath, also, am I to tap into cultural stereotypes of gender and sexuality, but they are impossible to ignore. Men are said to be more sexual than women. I don't actually believe that, but I do believe that women are more likely to keep their sexuality private, for fear of social ramifications. It is also said that men are disproportionately affected by visual representations of sexuality, compared to women (who, stereotypically, gravitate toward literary erotica instead). As much as I dislike that conclusion, I must concede the possibility that it represents a biological difference between the sexes.

Nevertheless, in my personal life, outside the realm of being a photo model, the trend has reinforced itself. I seem to receive a disproportionate amount of attention from gay males, and a relative dearth of attention from straight females. This may certainly be a result of my effeminacy, which I lament. I want to appeal to straight females, but it would be inauthentic for me to adopt a culturally masculine appearance (and mannerisms) - essentially, becoming someone I'm not to trick someone I like into liking me.

Still, I haven't ruled out the possibility that straight females are simply not expressing their attraction to me because, a) they are expected to be more sexually passive and less aggressive compared to males, and b) my social reticence presents a barrier for most people to 1) get to know me well enough to decide if they are attracted to me, and 2) let me know how they feel if they do. Nevertheless, whatever the causes, I would feel a lot happier, and be a lot more confident, if I knew that I was reciprocally desired by the sort of people (it doesn't have to be every single one of them) I myself desire.

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