Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Wait Until Tomorrow

I understand that "sex is special, and I want to save it for my soulmate" is a valid lifestyle choice; I respect that. The problem I have is that people are being encouraged to make that decision based on faulty information and an incomplete picture of sexuality.

I was exposed to that lifestyle choice, and I thought it was a good idea at the time, because the alternative was to be a dirty slut - used goods. As it turns out, I decided that I didn't want to get married, because I don't believe in the institution of marriage. I became an atheist, and gave up on any belief in the concept of romantic destiny or 'soulmates'. And I still wanted to experience sex.

I eventually started having sex (long after I was ready for it - because, after all, it's really scary, and you can never take back your virginity, so you better make sure you are absolutely, certainly, entirely, completely, 100%, undoubtedly ready before you dare try... {rolls eyes}), and as you all are familiar with, decided to embrace a sexually liberated lifestyle, because I don't believe in the virtue of chastity.

I think sexuality is an awesome aspect of life, and accepting that doesn't mean that I am a bad or immoral (or amoral) person, who has no other purpose in life than to go around fucking anything that moves, spreading disease and breaking up homes and wrecking people's lives as I go. There are more ways to approach sex than that [very unrealistic view].

But that is not something I was taught alongside my 'abstinence rocks, wait until marriage' education. I was only told one side of the story. And that pisses me off. Not just because I made what I think in hindsight was the wrong decision (for me), but because any sort of deception and selective interpretation of reality, especially when used to persuade a person to make a particular decision about something, is dishonest, and, quite simply put, evil, in my opinion.

And so, to make things better, I believe it is important to provide the other half of the story, to those people (especially young people) who are being indoctrinated into the moralistic dogma of sexuality, so that they can make a more informed choice.

If somebody chooses abstinence and/or waiting until marriage because they believe it's the right choice for them, that's great and I'll respect that. But if they're making that decision because they've been deceived about the merits of any alternatives (and especially if they're parroting comments that reflect their prejudice), then I'm gonna be rightly concerned.


  1. When I think of how many (I thought to be nice) men I slept with and that turned out to be real assholes/idiots/ dirt bags, or just really hopelessly incompetent in the bed, I wonder how many of this 'wait until marriage'- marriages will work out.
    But, I guess that probably those people who have the character to wait with sex until marriage will also have enough character to stay in a bad marriage for god, parents, society, too...?
    Scary....really very scary.
    I count myself lucky that I realised I never wanted to marry at the age of say... 9-10 years old.
    I could make this decision so early because I had a real good look on the war... ehmm... marriage my parents had.

  2. I wouldn't recommend that people give up on romance entirely, but I think that many could stand to be more realistic about it. I understand the appeal of a bond that lasts 'til death do us part', but in a lot of cases that's a fairy tale. It's beautiful, but it's not always practical.

    There's nothing magical about two people making each other (and their kids) miserable because neither one wants to back out on their wedding vows. And there's nothing, either, stopping two people from vowing to work together through the hardships because they love one another, without having to seal the vow with a legal bond recognized by the earthly institution of God.

    If two people end up together for the rest of their lives, because it's the right thing for them, I think that's amazing and have nothing but respect for them (though on the other hand, a relationship doesn't have to last a lifetime in order to be meaningful). But I don't see that as a foregone conclusion for most people who get into partnerships, where some amount of flexibility is required.

    If the 'soulmate' experience is all the rarer as a result, then doesn't that make it even more magical? Even though not everyone will be able to experience it - which is the fantasy most people fill their heads with when they think about how they're going to get married and raise a family and everything in life is just going to turn out absolutely peachy...